Understanding and Forgiveness!

Something happened today that has me very disturbed. I have tried and tried to just let it go....but I have not been successful. Doing what I naturally do, I have analyzed and over analyzed why it bothers me so. In this process, I have come to realize just how much importance I put on things like understanding and forgiveness.

Hubby, Sugar Bear and I decided to take a short trip to the beach today. Hubby wanted to give Surf Perch fishing a try, and I knew how much Sugar would enjoy exploring the beach. When we got there, we were the only people there. Like most days at the beach, it was windy and cold, but the sun shining made it bearable. The Hubby proceeded to fish, and Sugar Bear and I played with Daisy, our black lab, for awhile. Sugar enjoyed throwing rocks at the ocean, and we spent some time digging in the sand.

After about an hour, we left Daisy with the hubby, and Sugar and I head back to the truck. When we reached the parking lot, there was one other vehicle in the parking lot. Two elderly men were chatting. I proceeded to begin changing Sugar Bear out of her sandy clothes. The elderly men started up their diesel truck and started to back out. I heard what sounded like a woman's voice yell something, so I looked up. About 20 yards from me, I saw a woman standing in the middle of the parking area holding up a 3 month oldish lab puppy, and half way between us, was what appeared to be Daisy. The men had stopped, and it sure looked to me like my dog had followed me up to the parking area, and was causing a little bit of trouble. I called to Daisy, and the dog came running to me. I yelled an apology to the men saying, "I am so sorry, I thought she was still with my husband." They waved to me and left. Daisy started running towards the beach again, so I yelled for her to come back, she stopped and looked at me. At this time the lady carrying the pup, was about 10 feet from me, and I swear the first thing out of her mouth was, "That's MY Dog! Jeez lady what is your problem?" I quickly looked at her and then the dog, and I said sort of chuckling, "oh...I'm sorry! She looks just like my dog..." The lady interrupted me angerly saying, "who the hell cares lady!" Again I stammer how sorry I am, and she just throws her hand up at me...and walks towards the beach with her dog and pup.
Okay, so this is where I just stood there with my mouth open. I had never been treated so rudely. I mean, I seriously thought it was my dog, and it looked like the lady was trying to keep her pup away from her. I was trying to do my job as a pet owner. How could this lady NOT understand this? Why was she so rude to me? I thought it was sort of funny. Did she think I was trying to steal her dog or something?????

I have to tell you that this encounter royally messed up my day. I have tried to understand that she must have been flustered. I have tried to understand that maybe she was having a bad day. It hasn't helped.
WHY AM I SO UPSET BY THIS???? I have to ask myself, "am I upset that she was rude to me, or is it more the fact that she was upset with me?" If I am honest, I realize it is the latter. It is really hard for me, that no matter what I said she didn't try to understand or forgive me for my mistake. It lingers in my mind, the look on her face when she said, "jeez lady!" She looked at me like I was the worst person in the world.....ME....Corey....the person who is always trying to be helpful and to think of others. She didn't see who I was...she saw a pain in her hiney....and didn't forgive me. Somewhere tonight, she is telling someone about this crazy lady who tried to steal her dog at the beach. UGH! Try as I might to believe that I don't really care what people think of me....it is painfully obvious that I do.

If you know me well, you will know that I always try to learn something from things like this. Today I learned that no matter what mood I am in, or what might be happening around me, I need to look up, listen, and try to understand. Understand and forgive. That lady has no idea how she affected me....how she sent my day askew. A simple, "oh....I see! No worries. All is fine now!" from her would have instead left me with a funny story to tell my friends about the day I almost stole a lady's dog at the beach!

"Just a Cold!!!"

How many times have I heard those words? "Just a Cold!" It might mean one thing to some people, but to me....it means another person shaking their head at me.
"Hi, my name is Corey, and I avoid GERMS!" yes....a germophobe...or a germ freak, or a paranoid person. Yep, that is me!
I have always been a worrier....but not so much as I am now that I have Sugar Bear. I always want to protect her from everything. I do my best to be reasonable. Amazingly enough I do a pretty good job keeping Sugar Bear away from the Doctor's office.
It is my method that drives people nuts. I simply won't take my daughter anywhere when I know someone is sick. I have missed several family get togethers because of it. I know it upsets people, and they shake their head at me and say, "It is just a cold!"
"Just a cold" leads to this....
-Sugar Bear gets sick
-I miss work
-none of us sleep
-I get sick
-I miss work
-I don't sleep
-ugh......
so "just a cold"....really isn't "just", is it? I hate colds. I am a whiny sick person. We are sick right now...so yes...this is my way of whining. We had a great winter with possibly one illness....but this one caught us off guard. I don't even know where we got it.
So yes...."just a cold!" Shake your head at me....I don't care. I would give anything to NOT have this cold right now!
One good thing about me....I won't pass you my cold. I stay home. If I don't want yours.....I won't give you mine! Golden rule! tee hee
You can laugh now! "just a cold!".....Whatever!

You can call me a "freak" if you want to!

One of my favorite lines from a movie is: "He can call me a flower if he wants to!" For those not familiar with the movie "Bambi", I will explain that the speaker of this line is a Skunk. The cutest little skunk ever...but truly a skunk....a stinky smelly skunk. Bambi is learning to identify things, and when the little skunk pops up amongst the flowers, Bambi calls him a flower.

I have loved this line since the first time I heard it. I love how the skunk seemed to present itself as a flower, when in fact it is so much the opposite.

At this point in time...I find myself in much the same position. To many people I am presenting myself as a FREAK, when in truth...I am much the opposite. The best part in all this is....I don't care. You can call me a FREAK if you want to!

Extended Breast Feeding.....what does that mean to you? If you are like many....you might think, "breastfeeding WAY too long!" If you are like me, you think, "A blessing to both the mother and child!"

On May 10th, Sugar Bear and I will celebrate our 28th month in our breastfeeding journey. When I first decided to breastfeed, my goal was to make it 6 months, then....9 months...then a year. I most certainly never imagined making it this far. I honestly, thought it was strange, odd, and actually quite freakish for a person to breastfeed a child past a year. I didn't get it.....and didn't know that I didn't get it.

Now I do....I look at Sugar Bear and I get it. She is my baby, and she always will be. I don't see an independent toddler. I see the child that completes me. I firmly believe in the mother/child bond, and that our nursing relationship has only strengthened it. Before I experienced Breastfeeding, I looked at it strictly as a means to feed your child. I didn't realize that it was so much more. I cherish those close, tender, quiet moments. This is the journey that only Sugar Bear and I will travel together. It was meant for us.

So you can call me a FREAK if you want to. I'll just smile, and know that if this makes me a freak, then I want to be the main attraction at the "Momma Freak Show", because I wouldn't change a thing!

A look at Priorities

Something I have been thinking about for awhile now is how the events in our lives change our focus and our priorities. Why is it that when people talk about priorities….it somehow makes you feel defensive? Just because priorities change it doesn’t mean the old priorities were wrong. Maybe they just fit who you are at the time.

Before I had Sugar Bear, I was searching for something. I didn’t know it then, but it is plainly obvious to me now. My husband,is a commercial fisherman so he is gone a lot of the time. I spent 8 years alone in the evenings after work, and many weekends too. I filled up my time with lots of different hobbies, and activities. I learned to spend a great deal of time on the computer. I used to play Solitaire, Pyramids, Mahjong, and other online games. I surfed the net, perused eBay, and Instant Messaged or emailed with friends. My weekends, I filled up with shopping, scrapbooking, and stamping. I learned to knit, crochet, and locker hook. I certainly kept busy. I spent a ton of time with friends. I had a joyful life, and was blessed with loving friends. I cherish those times.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled. I had looked forward to being a mom for sooooooooooooooooooo long. It was a dream come true for me. This is what I was meant to do.

However, I was determined to still be ME.
-The ME that loved to talk with friends all day on the phone.
-The ME that stayed up late scrapbooking with friends, and eating junk food.
-The ME that loved to go on big shopping days with friends.
-The ME that would email friends and family several times a day.
I was sure that none of this would change, and that all I had to do was find a sitter for my daughter and go….be ME. I was sure that to be a good mom, I would NEED to continue to do these things. I was sure that nothing would change.

I WAS WRONG!!!!!!!!

Nearly two years into my adventures in parenting, I find a new ME.
-The ME that can’t wait to get off work, so I can get home to my girl.
-The ME that can’t wait for the weekend, so I can spend as much time as possible laughing and playing with my girl.
-The ME that enjoys spending my evenings after my girl goes to bed chatting on my online baby board with other mommies, or blogging about the great things we having been doing.
-The ME that has a hard time finding anything I NEED to buy for me anymore.
-The ME that doesn’t find the time to email much more than pictures of my girl to my friends and family.
-The ME that could spend all day just watching my girl, and capturing the memories with my camera.
Sure I still find myself crafting and trying new hobbies….but it always links back to Sugar Bear. I sew her clothes. I knit her a sweater. I create bows, and photo invites for all occasions. I find myself doing less and less with others. It truly isn’t that I don’t care for these relationships. I just don’t need to fill my heart anymore. It is so full. Sugar Bear, in every sense of the word COMPLETES ME! I no longer search. I have found what I was looking for….and I am living and loving every minute of it!

Do you ever............

Do you ever look into the eyes of your child and get lost? Not simply lost in thought, but truly, honestly, deeply lost in love? This happens to me everyday.

Do you ever find yourself staring at your child and seeing all the possibilities? Seeing the yesterdays, todays and tomorrows? This happens to me everyday.

Do you ever steal a moment to watch your child sleeping and find yourself imagining their dreams? Imagining their hopes? Feeling their innocence, and sharing their peace? This happens to me everyday.

Do you ever suddenly become aware that you are smiling and laughing in a state of bliss just by watching your child be who they are? Say what they say? Do what they Do? This happens to me everyday.

How on earth did I ever get so blessed? There is no other blessing like the unconditional love of your child. There is no other gift as precious, as valuable, as cherished as the admiration of your child. There are no other feelings as deep or raw as those shared between a mother and her child.
How on earth did I ever get so blessed?

Sugar Bear is:
My truth
My honesty
My love
My possibilities
My yesterday
My today
My tomorrow
My dreams
My hope
My innocence
My peace
My bliss

I am surely blessed.......surely blessed!

Just getting started!

This is it.....I gave in.....I held off as long as I could. I am a Blogger. :) I have no idea yet how I will use this space yet....but I am sure I will think of something. I am a talker. I am creative. I have lots of hobbies. I am excited about new things....and this is one of them.
Here we go...............................................!