Wednesday, June 27, 2007

It Has Been One of THOSE Weeks!

Ever had just one of those weeks? One of those weeks......one of THOSE DARN WEEKS?
This week is one of them. I have dark thoughts.....sad thoughts....worried thoughts. It is certainly one of those pesky weeks where I just can't get my mind out of the cyclical pattern of worry. It is these weeks when I contemplate too much. I think....I plot....I shake my head with worry, as there is no easy answer. There is no sure fire way to ensure that those I love will live a long and healthy life.

Sigh....the scary thing is that I am not sure what spurred this recent week of worry. Sadly enough, there was more than one thing that could be the root of this constant dwelling. Reading of a young girl, who at the age of 6 suffered from Flu-like symptoms for a few days, then died in the night. Going into work on Tuesday to hear that a co-workers husband had wrecked his 3 day old motorcycle and died. Turning on the news. Opening the paper. Keeping up-to-date on Heather's blog. All these things, all these moments, contribute to my over active sense of doom this week.

I think it started when I weighed Sugar Bear, and realized that she needed to be turned forward-facing in her car seat now. For those that aren't aware, I am a Certified Child Passenger Safety Technician. This certification is through NHTSA. For nearly 9 years now, I have been more aware of the dangers of riding in vehicles than any one person should know. I have been obsessed with Child Passenger Safety and spreading my knowledge. I am horribly aware that as my child ages, and is moved from one stage of car seat to the next, she is becoming less and less safe in the car. A rear-facing car seat, properly installed, is seriously the safest way to travel. Thus, my 2.5 year old child has been happily riding rear-facing from the ride home from the hospital, until about 6 days ago. As I buckled my precious cargo into her forward-facing car seat that first time, I cringed knowing that she is now way more likely to sustain a spinal injury if we are to crash. ugh.....this obviously set the tone for my week. As I drove, I found myself noticing things that could cause us to crash. I become more aware of dangers on the road, and I contemplated solutions, and strategies to avoid them.

One day, as I sat at a stop light, I saw a man driving a lovely 1960's looking convertible. It was pristine. I started to admire it, as it drove through the intersection until I noticed a darling child strapped into a car seat in the back of the car. My jaw dropped in horror. For the VERY first time I thought, "who in their right mind would put their child in a convertible?????" Why had I never thought about this before? I cringed at the thought of a roll over accident with that poor child helpless and so very exposed in the back. Why would anyone risk that? Is it simply that this man hasn't even thought of the possibility of a crash? Doesn't everyone imagine these horrible tragedies?

One of those weeks.....as big of a worrier as I am, of which most of you are very aware, I do want to assure you that I am not walking through life with a helmet. I don't spend my days looking over my shoulder, as my daughter and I hide behind the curtains in our house looking out at the big bad world. It is just one of those weeks. One of those weeks, where I worry about finding balance. Finding the balance between sheltering those I love from harm, and holding them back from living a full life. Where is that line? How do I decide what is worth the risk, and what is not? Do I let her eat popcorn while we watch a movie even though I know it is a choke hazard? How would I feel if she choked and I had known it wasn't safe? Could I live with myself?

Life is full of these hard decisions, yet in the end, it can be something no one could have possibly seen coming that snatches a loved one away. All this time worrying, and over analyzing won't stop me from being blindsided by tragedy. It is one of those weeks where I find myself struggling to assure myself that it won't happen to me. Then quickly ask myself, "why not me....what makes me so special?"

Oh it is surely one of those weeks! Round and round I go...and I am getting dizzy!

5 Live It or Love It:

Nikkie said...

Oh Corey I know it's been hard on you turning kenna around. It seems to put a new spin on everything doesn't it? I hate worrying too :hugs:

Ingrid said...

I'm sending you a big hugs, my friend.

Sara said...

I'm sending you lots of hugs, too. It seems you could really use them this week. {hugs}

enlbrandon said...

Corey,
Open up your worry angel box I gave you about 20 times and then give me a call ;0)

Pam said...

Wow, I thought I was a worrier! I guess I'm actually pretty carefree! The way I look at is that I will do all I can to keep my kids healthy and safe, but God knows what is best, and in the end, I just have to trust Him. :)

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