Sunday, February 3, 2008

Who ever Said "Size Doesn't Matter"...

Obviously wasn't of the female persuasion who had just given birth. THAT is a FACT! And......whoever decided the actually size of a newborn at birth compared to the actual size of the mother.....had an interesting sense of humor. THAT is a FACT. Human woman...don’t have it easy, but recently I have become aware that we don't have it all that bad either. There is a certain animal that completely got the short end of the stick. Good thing for you....I'm not the sort of person to keep such a discovery to myself. Yes...I am incredibly thoughtful like that.

First off, let's take a quick look at human newborns. The average newborn in the US weighs in at 7lbs 8 ozs. (Sugar was 8lbs 2ozs...I always knew she was above average) The average woman weighs in at 162.5 lbs. Now I realize that at the point of delivery the average woman weighs at least 20 lbs more, so let's say, 182.5 lbs for the particular study. That means the average newborn is about 4% of their mother's weight. That isn't too bad, right. Sure sounds like less than it FEELS....that is a FACT.

Now let's look at the Black bear. The average mama weighs in at 400 lbs, while the newborns are about the size of a stick of butter....yes approximately 9 ozs. Panda bears have it even better....their newborns are roughly 3.5 oz. WOW! Newborn bears are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy less than 1% of their mother's weight when born. Bears definitely take the cake for easy delivery of their young. I'm not ashamed to admit that I am a bit envious.
Check this site to see a pic of newborn pandas. Aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww...look at those tiny little honeys. It amazes me that bears can mange to NOT squash their young. Here's a fun video of a mother polar bear nursing her young. What a tiny little thing. Bears are quite lucky.

Anyhow....then we have the animal that you all have so patiently been waiting for me to get to. The animal that I think needs to file a complaint. A REALLY LONG NASTY COMPLAINT.

Without further ado....I present to you.....the pregnant Guinea Pig. This particular little honey is named, "Jesus"....ummmm yeah....my nearly three year old niece named her that. It makes for some interesting conversation, let me tell you. My favorite was when my SIL called me and blurted out. "OH MY GOSH! I think Jesus is pregnant!!!" and indeed she was. Here she is a day or two before delivery.



Let's see.....the average female guinea pig weighs in at 800 grams. The average newborn guinea pig is roughly 85 grams. Yeah, easy math.....that is 10.5% of their mother's weight. eeekkkk...it gets better...the average litter size is 3-4 pups. Yup...often they give birth to the equivalent of over 30% of their body weight. That would be like the average woman giving birth to nearly 55lbs of babies! Holy cow! Or should I say, "Holy Guinea pig!!!" (tee hee...Jesus the guinea pig)

We can not ignore that size does matter here, right? I can NOT be the only woman cringing at these statistics, and feeling really really really sorry for guinea pigs right now. If you could possibly need more proof that birthing for guinea pigs must really suck.....look at the following photographs.

One day old piggie....



Here is Jesus three days post-partum...with one of her two offspring on the right. The guinea pig on the left is Aunt Flower,who by the way....is also a girl.....we think. I have stared intently at WAY too many webpages designed to help guinea pig owners "sex" their pigs. Oh the pictures....those horrible pictures. At least it wasn't my job to actually check the pigs though. I was just in charge of research. WHEW......you need research?...I'm your gal...you need your guinea pig molested?....keep on moving...no bodies home.



Lastly, here is sweet Jesus and both of her three day old babies. One is trying to hide behind her. The other as you see...if nearly half the size or her mother. Newborn guinea pigs are fully furred, have teeth, and their eyes are open.



I don't know about you...but I am thanking my lucky stars I am NOT a guinea pig. Thank you Jesus! :)


*** oh and don't forget I'm on Top Momma!


CLICK HERE!!!!! You know you want to. Click it a few times in fact. I get a referral each time you click the link, and a click each time you click on Sugar's sweet photo. Isn't that fun? I can't think of a single thing I should be doing today other than clicking. Can you? ***

25 Live It or Love It:

Huckdoll said...

I am shocked at that picture of mama, baby and Auntie. The numbers didn't really sink in until I saw that picture and saw how huge baby really was. Wowzers.

holly said...

NOW i heart jesus!

and oh! she probably never got the cocktail of drugs i got, and the nice helpful midwives. well, no she probably did get a nice helpful midwife. were you? you probably were.

jennwa said...

Those poor guinea pigs. I have a whole new respect for them.
That was a very interesting post, thanks.

Keara said...

Oh WOW! I had no idea.

Seeing how cute Jesus is makes me want one though.

Great post!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I will now stop complaining that I gave birth to a Toddler. I bow before Jesus' greatness, cause she sure did have it worse.

Beth said...

Jesus sure is a little cutie! Didn't think I'd ever write that sentence!

byrningbunny said...

I'm sure glad you didn't name that GP Mohammad! lol Thanks for doing all that research and sharing. Who did you make do the sex investigation?! lol

Hillary said...

Jesus the guinea pig...that is too funny! I'm really glad I'm not a guinea pig!

Laura said...

Corey, your posts are getting more hysterically brilliant all the time! Noah's sleeping on my chest right now and I just totally woke him up trying to stifle my laughter. :) And omigosh - Jesus the hamster! LOL

secret agent mama said...

I cannot show this thread to my daughter. She will beg for a pet guinea pig until all my hair is gray.

Hey Corey, I'd love to add you to my blogroll. Would you do the same?

jenny-up the hill said...

I had no idea...and yes, I am cringing! lol! I just assumed that they were born little bitty nakey things...I just can't get over the fact that they have fur when they are born...wow!

Mama Zen said...

Now, Corey, it's not right to get my hopes up like that. Here I am, thinking I had FINALLY found just the right gal to handle all of my guinea pig molestation needs!

By the way, I can't wait to see what kind of pervy google hits this post gets!

Jessica said...

Yikes! I couldn't image gaining 55% of my weight while pregnant! Interesting information and great pics! Thanks for sharing!

Lis Garrett said...

Oh my God! Or should I say, Oh my Jesus! This has to be one of your most hilarious posts ever, Corey. Well done. WELL done!!

I had it rather easy with my kids. My biggest was 7.0, then 6.13, then 5.15. Of course, at my heaviest time of delivery, I was 140, which put Jacob at 5% of my weight.

I wonder what kind of hits your blog will get after a post like this?!

Don Mills Diva said...

OMG - Poor Guinea Pigs - they now have my undying respect!

david mcmahon said...

Great concept, Corey. Love the manner in which you told the story!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee. Cute pandas and amazing guinea pigs. I heart Jesus. I'll never forget my Guinea Pig Bonnie, giving birth to a litter in a box in our kitchen while we were all having tea. Amazing. But, erm, ouch.

Autumn said...

Oh sweet Jesus.. LOL OMG I totally needed to read this tonight. :)

The Egel Nest said...

Thank you Jack Hannah!

I learned several interesting animal facts just now :)


Bradley
The Egel Nest

lime said...

here from david's...i think it gets worse when you consider guinea pigs are a food source in the andes....dang, counting my lucky stars today!

Sandi McBride said...

David sent me...oh Jesus you poor baby...David's sense of humor and God's seem to be on par...when I come back, I'm gonna be a bear...
Sandi

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

My goodness, yikes... I have to say that's something I never thought about! But I will now, every time I see a guinea pig... :)

Pam said...

What a clever post! Yikes! I shudder at the thought of giving birth to a 55 lb. baby! Mine were 7-13 and 9-3, and they were plenty big for me!

Donetta said...

Cool post what an amazing little critter!Your post are well done. The Sweet Jesus is some miracle maker :)

Emmy and the Hazyland Boys said...

Ha, we were just discussing the same thing at work today, when I showed my colleagues pictures of the GP babies. Human women really do have it easy compared to GP!

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