Trying to keep a handle on things

I want to have interesting things to say....but I'm feeling so very....well.......tired lately. I have a loss of words. I am, to be quite frank, grieving. Before last Friday, I was only grieving the end of summer days....summer evenings....summer freedoms. Then the death of a co-worker sent me spiraling into full on GRIEF!

On a whole, I'm trying to think positive, and quite literally throwing myself into LIFE, but it is hard these days. I'm sad. Really sad....and it is making me tired.....and low. I look at these photos of just the other night, and feel so grateful for my life. It is so full of love....and laughs.....and color. I am one lucky lady.

BUT.....I'm still feeling sad, and that exhausts me. I'm going to bed MUCH earlier than usual, and barely even have the energy to read in bed like I usually do. I know what this is....I understand grief, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I wish I could be outside soaking up the colors....and the fresh air and sun, but I find myself trapped in an office all day with other people who are grieving. Tomorrow I will spend the entire day in a building with our entire staff, while ALL of us try not to remember what happened last Friday when we were together. It is going to be a hard....hard day.

It is my hope that I can close my eyes and remember these photos....remember these moments in the evening bliss with my girl. Maybe I'll even be able to imagine the LIGHT, and it will pull me out of the darkness. This glorious light.......

My heart aches through this journey I'm on. It is hard to grieve with a group of people, as we all need something different. Some want to talk about it (me) and some don't....we push and pull, and cry, and laugh. It isn't easy, and I want to be months down the road from now because.......

NOW is just too hard!

Wordless Wednesday~ Any way you look at it.

Week 51

I can't believe it has almost been a year since starting this project. It has truly FLOWN by. While next week marks the year....I'll be continuing on through the end of the year, so I can make a 2011 book.

September 12th was a typical Monday, as far as I can remember. Darn it, I'm getting so forgetful. I can't remember if there was anything special about this day other than obviously watching my child cuddle her favorite little bunny buddy, Cutie! He is such a darling bunny boy, and so patient and tolerant of all of Sugar Bear's love. He is a treasure. I hope he goes to a good home, as we will miss him.

September 13th was a long, long, long day. The late afternoon/early evening marked the first day of dance class for the year, and then we had to jet back out to Sugar Bear's school for parent night. I enjoyed it immensely while Sugar played outside on the playground. I wanted to have time to take a GREAT shot of her playing on the monkey bars, but things ran long, and it was freezing...so all I got was this pathetic shot....so I didn't even show it as an individual shot here. ick. Sugar Bear is all about climbing and swings on the bars right now. Her hands keep getting sore. She can hardly wait to get callused hands.

September 14th was my birthday. There wasn't really anything all that super duper special about the day. In fact, it was a pretty darn hectic day, with my water bed springing a leak, and having to fix it after work, BUT we did find some time to blow out a candle. Sugar took this shot of me. She loves to sing for me. She is the BEST gift EVER. I'm one lucky mama.

September 15th brought another busy day at work. The Hubby sent me flowers at work, and I could hardly wait to get home and snap some shots. Lucky for me.....it was a gorgeous day, and I was able to find some fabulous light and create a rather dreamy shot of the flowers. This photo brings me JOY.

September 16th was quite possibly one of the most emotional days ever. YES, there is no shot for this day. Absolutely NO PHOTO, and I just plain don't care. I had time later in the day to take one, but I just wasn't feeling it. I asked myself, "what marks this day?" and all I could think of was "black". So that is what we have. Around 3:10 pm, I was wrapping up a training with several staff, and we all headed to our cars. At approximately 3:15pm, a co-worker of 14 years fell to the ground with what appears to be a heart attack. 45 minutes of CPR, defibrillation....and so much effort and love was unable to save her. She died in front of our very eyes. I have not felt such emotion in as long as I can remember. There just wasn't a photo I cared to take that day. BLACK....BLANK....MISSING.....EMPTY.

September 17th I drug myself out of the house to honor my friend and LIVE. I took Sugar to a local festival, and watched her very first parade. It was a treat to see her excitement. Her first grade teacher was even in the parade. What a fun surprise. We had a good day, and I held TIGHT to my girl, and remembered to feel grateful for my heart beating....and my breath.

September 18th was a day of chores around the house, but I took lots of time to play with my girl. We had fun with 3 different board games, and later in the day took a bike ride while our dinner was cookin' in the oven. We need to do this more often. It was a stunning evening. Unfortunately it ended with a mild crash on Sugar's part, and she skinned up her elbow. I hate to say it but we need some rain. The gravel is just so dry and loose on our road.

Looking at this collage is so hard. I see so much JOY, but right in the middle is just sadness. It reminds me that I am blessed. I am loved. I have so much to be grateful for, and I need to say it MORE often.

Read all about it

Okay....so it has been another year of reading for the old Corey Lady. If you remember, I started reading in earnest back in September of 2009. That first year, I read 56 books, and boy oh boy, was I HOOKED. I couldn't remember why I had quit reading in the first place. You can see a list of all the books I read HERE.

It has been another year, and I managed to read 65 books this time. It has been such a wonderful year of reading. Here is the list in it's entirety, and I'll mention which ones were my favorites at the end.

From 9/14/10 to 9/14/11:

“Hare Today Gone Tomorrow” by Cynthia Baxter

“Something Blue” by Emily Giffin

“Right From the Gecko” by Cynthia Baxter

“Push” by Sapphire

“Baby Proof” by Emily Giffin

“Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen

“Sugar Cookie Murder” by Joanne Fluke

“Bitter is the new Black” by Jen Lancaster

“Who’s Kitten Who?” by Cynthia Baxter

“Love the One you’re With” by Emily Giffin

“The Kitchen House” by Kathleen Grissom

“Peach Cobbler Murder” by Joanne Fluke

“Rosie Dunne” by Cecelia Ahern

“The Crying Tree” by Naseem Rakha

“Heart of the Matter” by Emily Giffin

“Such a Pretty Fat” by Jen Lancaster

“Monkey See, Monkey Die” by Cynthia Baxter

“Riding Lessons” by Sara Gruen

“Cherry Cheesecake Murder” by Joanne Fluke

“Murder Had a Little Lamb” By Cynthia Baxter

“Siblings without Rivalry” by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

“Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini

“The Death and the Life of Charlie St. Cloud” by Ben Sherwood

“Cat Sitter Among the Pigeons” by Blaize Clement

“The Shadow of the Wind” by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

“Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore

“Key Lime Pie Murder” by Joanne Fluke

“Room: A Novel” by Emma Donoghue

“Flying Changes” by Sara Gruen

“A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini

“Sunday’s At Tiffany’s” By James Patterson

“Candy Cane Murder” By Joanne Fluke

“Crossing the Lion” by Cynthia Baxter

“Ape House” by Sara Gruen

“If You Could See Me Now” by Cecelia Ahern

“The man who ate the 747” by Ben Sherwood

“Practical Demonkeeping: A Comedy of Horrors” by Christopher Moore

“The Wee Free Men” by Terry Pratchett

“Still Missing” by Chevy Stevens

“Coyote Blue” by Christopher Moore

“Slammerkin” By Emma Donoghue

“The Idiot Girl’s Adventure Club” by Laurie Notaro

“The Carrot Cake Murder” by Joanne Fluke

“A Hat Full of Sky” by Terry Pratchett

“Murder Packs a Suitcase” by Cynthia Baxter

“The KenKen Killings” by Parnell Hall

“Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story” by Christopher Moore

“If I Stay” by Gayle Foreman

“Supporting your Socially Vulnerable Child”

“The Book of Tomorrow” by Cecelia Ahern

“Promise Not To tell” by Jennifer McMahon

“Wintersmith” by Terry Pratchett

“Where She Went” by Gayle Forman

“Knit One, Kill Two” by Maggie Shefton

“Island of the Sequined Love Nun” by Christopher Moore

“The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak

“Too Rich Too Dead” by Cynthia Baxter

“Never Knowing” by Chevy Stevens

“Needled to Death” by Maggie Shefton

“An Invisible Sign of my Own” by Aimee Bender

“I Know This Much is True” by Wally Lamb

“A Stolen Life” by Jaycee Dugard

“The Cream Puff Murder” by Joanne Fluke

“The Gift” by Cecelia Ahern

“A Deadly Yarn” by Maggie Sefton


I bolded some of my favorites of the year. While I love to read a good ol' "cozy murder mystery", I really like to sink my teeth into some heavier stuff as often as I can. I don't read non-fiction all that often but, "A Stolen Life" by Jaycee Dugard was AMAZING. She is not a professional writer, but her story is so darned unique, and her spirit is beautiful. I have so much admiration for her.

"Water For Elephants" by Sara Gruen is easily on of my favorite books of all time. It is a must read.

"The Kitchen House" by Kathleen Grissom was unbelievable as well. I'm so glad I ran across this book.

Now, >“Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore is NOT FOR EVERYONE. I had an open mind while reading it, and in ways....it has made me a better person.

“Room: A Novel” by Emma Donoghue was utterly and totally life changing for me. It made me think in ways I never thought possible. What a trip.

and “Still Missing” by Chevy Stevens was so intense, and when I finished it....I literally yelled out, "GENIUS!" love this book.

I didn't bold the individual books, but the series I'm reading by Terry Pratchett has been such a joy. I start on the 4th and last book tonight, and I have been purposely been putting it off, as I know I'm not ready to be done with these characters. I just love me some Wee Free Men. :)

I am looking sooooooooooo forward to this next year of books. I have over 85 books in my "to read" list....and I'm sure I'll be adding more. There are just too many books....and so little time. My house might be a mess....but I don't regret it one bit. Each book I read, changes me a little, and I love to grow.

52 Weeks of ME- Week Thirty-eight

So....I turned 37 this week, and my Sugar took a photo of me on my big day. It isn't in focus....but I rather like it....a lot. Cause I remember this moment....and how excited my girl was to take this shot of me, and I feel happy inside. I love that this project has morphed into "real" photos of me...in my real life. I like the fun self-portraits as well, but these types of shots mean more to me.

Week 50

September 5th was a holiday.....so there was no work...and no school....and what better way to spend the day than taking a mugshot of my dog. tee hee.... seriously, though. Look how much Ivy has grown. It is NUTS. She just turned 9 months and she is officially a MOOSE. She is a really wonderful dog though. So well behaved, and easy to be around. She just might be our easiest puppy yet.....maybe. She is such a loved part of our family. So glad to have her.





September 6th was the first day that buses were running for Sugar Bear's school. I had to grab a shot of her getting on the bus. I'm so glad the bus runs out to her school. It is saving me an extra hour of driving each day. whew!





September 7th really officially felt like Fall. I enjoy Fall....when it isn't raining, and we haven't had much rain, so it has been lovely. I took this photo in the parking lot at work. We have a tree there that turns really early. It is so pretty though. I love red leaves.





September 8th was a normal busy school and work day....and I was really wearing down. whew...I'll be so very glad to get used to the new schedule we have. I need consistency to function. Sugar grabbed this shot of me in our truck. I had just gotten back in the truck after getting the mail.





September 9th was a long...long....long day. I had a full day of training for work in a nearby town, then I ran home.....then to the store.....then up the river for a wedding rehearsal. I love this shot of the groom holding one of the signs he made to direct folks to the wedding. Sometimes it's all we can do to just "keep goig". tee hee.....too tired to even remember the "n".





September 10th made Friday look like a picnic. Talk about long....and such a hot day. Shooting a wedding can be an enormous amount of work. It was fun though. What a beautiful event. As you might know....I love to capture the details. I love this shot of the rings taken on the pool table in the "man cave". The guys at this wedding really enjoyed this little hangout.




September 11th was a day of remembering....who could forget? I did sleep in, and spent most of the day at the computer editing wedding pictures. This is a photo of my mouse. I LOVE it. My wrist LOVES it. What a life saver it has been.

Week 49

August 29th was meet the teacher night, and I wrote alllll about it HERE. This photo was taken outside on the huge sun dial. Our little friend, "S", had a great time showing us around. It was a beautiful evening, and just plain felt perfect. :)

August 30th was a hard....hard...day. An emotional one for all involved. It was the last day, in the foreseeable future, for Sugar to attend her long time daycare. Oh man.......who would have thought I'd have so many tears over it? ugh, it was just plain hard. Our provider means so much to us. It isn't easy for a parent to leave their child all day, while at work....it isn't easy to trust....but once you do it....there is a bond that can not be broken, and even if many days or months go by without seeing this beautiful face.....she will always be in our hearts. ♥

August 31st was Sugar's first day of school, and I wrote allllllll about it HERE! I chose this photo to represent the day because it shows her confidence....which is not her usual MO when trying something new. I think it bodes well for the new school year.

September 1st was the second day of school, and Sugar came home is a great mood. We are trying to enjoy the last of our summer evenings. While I was cooking dinner, The Hubby unpacked a shipment of dune buggy parts, and gave Sugar the bubble wrap. Oh man....what a good time. I love her energy!

September 2nd brought the end of our work/school week, and found us playing outside in the evening with the animals. I love how interested Tiny always is in the rabbits. She is very gentle and the rabbits don't seem to mind. The one in front looks a bit wary....but he didn't run away. So cute, yes? You want one? Autumn.....?

September 3rd was spent shopping. First we went to Joann's Fabrics to start thinking about a Halloween costume. I think I'm in over my head this time.........you'll have to wait and see. Then we had some MAJOR grocery shopping to do. Sugar was a trooper, and I love this shot of her picking out some all fruit Popsicles. YUM!

September 4th was a day of cooking. I tried several new recipes. This was a pesto chicken that was TO.DIE.FOR!!!! I can't wait to make it again. So good. I also made Bran Muffins, Healthy Peanut Butter Balls, and Pizza Muffins. I'm working on finding things to go in Sugar Bear's lunchbox each week. Packing lunches is HARD work.

Oh, and dude...I know my blog is a snore fest these days...but seriously....I don't feel like I have time to be interesting. LOL

52 Weeks of ME- Week Thirty-six and Thirty-seven

I definitely got behind on this project this time, so I had to get two shots this week. Sugar Bear had been asking me if she could take some pictures while we were driving down our road, so I let her. She got these two shots.

This one shows my favorite bracelet. I hope many years from now, Sugar Bear can look back on this shot, and have fond memories of her mama wearing this bracelet all the time. :)

I'm not sure what the theme was this week, but I know that one I missed was SOOC (Straight out of Camera), so here is this shot Sugar got of me. I think the light adds some interest to this shot.

Here's hoping that I can have more intention in the following weeks of this project. Things just need to slow down a bit around here.

First Day of First Grade

So the first day of School arrived last week....and it was everything we hoped it would be. The weather was nicer than last year, so the photos were a bit easier to nab.

Sugar Bear was excited to use her new backpack. She loves the colors of it. She is NOT a fan of pink....so she put up with her backpack all last year, but lucky for her....the puppy chewed it up towards the end of the year. So....a new backpack was in her future...and she loves it.

By the time we got to her school, the sun was shining.....and there was so much excitement in the air.

Sugar Bear, who usually sticks close to mama's side in situations like this....kept running on ahead, and I'd have to call her back for a picture.

She looked like such a "big girl" (sob.....) walking up the hall with all the different age groups. There are approximately 224 kiddos in her school, which houses Kindergarten-eighth grade.

She was excited to find her locker, and show me how she can open it all by herself, and put her stuff in. I was really proud of how independent she was being.

She kept looking forward to her friend's arrival. Soon we headed out to morning recess. This is before school starts.

It was so beautiful out, and Sugar indulged me in a few more pictures. Gosh I love this kid! ♥

It is sooooooooooooooooooooooo going to be a good year.....and I think she knows it. :)

I love this shot of Sugar Bear and her friend "L". They are so darn cute together. I am thrilled that they are in the same class.

Finally, the bell rang.....the kids lined up by class.....and away my big First Grader went.

And now we have 5 school days under our belt....and it hasn't disappointed yet. :)