Trying to keep a handle on things

I want to have interesting things to say....but I'm feeling so very....well.......tired lately. I have a loss of words. I am, to be quite frank, grieving. Before last Friday, I was only grieving the end of summer days....summer evenings....summer freedoms. Then the death of a co-worker sent me spiraling into full on GRIEF!

On a whole, I'm trying to think positive, and quite literally throwing myself into LIFE, but it is hard these days. I'm sad. Really sad....and it is making me tired.....and low. I look at these photos of just the other night, and feel so grateful for my life. It is so full of love....and laughs.....and color. I am one lucky lady.

BUT.....I'm still feeling sad, and that exhausts me. I'm going to bed MUCH earlier than usual, and barely even have the energy to read in bed like I usually do. I know what this is....I understand grief, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I wish I could be outside soaking up the colors....and the fresh air and sun, but I find myself trapped in an office all day with other people who are grieving. Tomorrow I will spend the entire day in a building with our entire staff, while ALL of us try not to remember what happened last Friday when we were together. It is going to be a hard....hard day.

It is my hope that I can close my eyes and remember these photos....remember these moments in the evening bliss with my girl. Maybe I'll even be able to imagine the LIGHT, and it will pull me out of the darkness. This glorious light.......

My heart aches through this journey I'm on. It is hard to grieve with a group of people, as we all need something different. Some want to talk about it (me) and some don't....we push and pull, and cry, and laugh. It isn't easy, and I want to be months down the road from now because.......

NOW is just too hard!