Four For Friday

If you read yesterday's post, you'll know that I am just not in the mood this week to come up with much for this week's Four For Friday. My Day today did NOT make things any better. A mistake was discovered at work.....either a human error or more likely computer glitch that cost our program nearly $13,000. The sad, sad, sad, thing is that the human is me. :( I am fairly certain that it was the computer, but it still feels oh so horrible, and having to go tell my boss was a low moment. He was very comforting, and understanding, but I still feel sick to my stomach over that loss of funds. Then to top it all off, I come home to read at least 4 "bad news" posts on my Internet baby board. I just can't take this week. The front page of the local paper featured a mother talking about the fact that it has been 7 years since her teenage daughter was murdered and there has still been no arrests. She spoke of her other daughter getting married. The bride couldn't bare to have a maid of honor that wasn't her sister, so they placed an empty chair with a pink rose on it beside her. I nearly drowned in tears imagining this. When will this week end??????

Sigh....so for this week's Four For Friday the best I can muster is four of my favorite pictures taken in the first four minutes my new camera was in my hands. Sorry friends....the is the best I can do this week! Bare with me....I should be out of the doldrums soon.

I took 17 pictures, and these are my four faves.

ummmm YEAH! This just figures! Freaking Photobucket isn't working tonight. LOL isn't that just perfect to top off my week. It won't let me upload...or access the pictures that are already there. So....here are four reasons I can't come up with a decent Four For Friday this week.

1. I am in a totally depressing and pissy mood.

2. Photobucket is a pain in the freakin fanny!

3. It is late, and I have ZERO brain cells left.

4. I am suffering from such a lack of creativity I can't even come up with a fourth reason that I can't come up with something to post. UMMMM did that even make sense?

See you next week. I give up on this one!

It Has Been One of THOSE Weeks!

Ever had just one of those weeks? One of those weeks......one of THOSE DARN WEEKS?
This week is one of them. I have dark thoughts.....sad thoughts....worried thoughts. It is certainly one of those pesky weeks where I just can't get my mind out of the cyclical pattern of worry. It is these weeks when I contemplate too much. I think....I plot....I shake my head with worry, as there is no easy answer. There is no sure fire way to ensure that those I love will live a long and healthy life.

Sigh....the scary thing is that I am not sure what spurred this recent week of worry. Sadly enough, there was more than one thing that could be the root of this constant dwelling. Reading of a young girl, who at the age of 6 suffered from Flu-like symptoms for a few days, then died in the night. Going into work on Tuesday to hear that a co-workers husband had wrecked his 3 day old motorcycle and died. Turning on the news. Opening the paper. Keeping up-to-date on Heather's blog. All these things, all these moments, contribute to my over active sense of doom this week.

I think it started when I weighed Sugar Bear, and realized that she needed to be turned forward-facing in her car seat now. For those that aren't aware, I am a Certified Child Passenger Safety Technician. This certification is through NHTSA. For nearly 9 years now, I have been more aware of the dangers of riding in vehicles than any one person should know. I have been obsessed with Child Passenger Safety and spreading my knowledge. I am horribly aware that as my child ages, and is moved from one stage of car seat to the next, she is becoming less and less safe in the car. A rear-facing car seat, properly installed, is seriously the safest way to travel. Thus, my 2.5 year old child has been happily riding rear-facing from the ride home from the hospital, until about 6 days ago. As I buckled my precious cargo into her forward-facing car seat that first time, I cringed knowing that she is now way more likely to sustain a spinal injury if we are to crash. ugh.....this obviously set the tone for my week. As I drove, I found myself noticing things that could cause us to crash. I become more aware of dangers on the road, and I contemplated solutions, and strategies to avoid them.

One day, as I sat at a stop light, I saw a man driving a lovely 1960's looking convertible. It was pristine. I started to admire it, as it drove through the intersection until I noticed a darling child strapped into a car seat in the back of the car. My jaw dropped in horror. For the VERY first time I thought, "who in their right mind would put their child in a convertible?????" Why had I never thought about this before? I cringed at the thought of a roll over accident with that poor child helpless and so very exposed in the back. Why would anyone risk that? Is it simply that this man hasn't even thought of the possibility of a crash? Doesn't everyone imagine these horrible tragedies?

One of those weeks.....as big of a worrier as I am, of which most of you are very aware, I do want to assure you that I am not walking through life with a helmet. I don't spend my days looking over my shoulder, as my daughter and I hide behind the curtains in our house looking out at the big bad world. It is just one of those weeks. One of those weeks, where I worry about finding balance. Finding the balance between sheltering those I love from harm, and holding them back from living a full life. Where is that line? How do I decide what is worth the risk, and what is not? Do I let her eat popcorn while we watch a movie even though I know it is a choke hazard? How would I feel if she choked and I had known it wasn't safe? Could I live with myself?

Life is full of these hard decisions, yet in the end, it can be something no one could have possibly seen coming that snatches a loved one away. All this time worrying, and over analyzing won't stop me from being blindsided by tragedy. It is one of those weeks where I find myself struggling to assure myself that it won't happen to me. Then quickly ask myself, "why not me....what makes me so special?"

Oh it is surely one of those weeks! Round and round I go...and I am getting dizzy!

Spirit, Caution, and Love

My Daughter....my joy....may she never lose her spirit. I have hopes, and I have dreams for her. May she test the waters before jumping in. I have wants, and I have wishes for her. May she always be aware of my unwavering love, and may it always be reciprocated. As she grows into the individual she is meant to be, may there always be a bit of my hopes, dreams, wants and wishes in there.

As a part of another Group Writing Project, I am sitting here in the dark focusing on these things. Focusing on my girl who lies sleeping just beyond this wall. Each day, I find myself seeing more and more WHO she is.....WHO she is becoming. She is:
funny
smart
dramatic
caring
giving
people shy
talkative
pouty
adventuresome
She is just so very......Sugar Bear! I try very hard not to have too many expectations of WHO she might become. I want to leave that up to her, but as a parent it is difficult not to imagine who she will be at 4.....8.....12.....20.....35 (may I live to see this...please!) Some days I find myself surprised at how she reacts to things. I wonder...."where did that come from?" or "who taught her that?" I struggle to remind myself that she will react certain ways just because that is who she is, and THAT is okay.

Sometimes there is fear that she will become someone I don't know...someone I don't like. OH MY....did I just say that? It is the truth....I worry that someday I just won't "GET" who she is, and wish she was something different. WOW....that is so hard to admit. I am not certain that I am the only mom who closes her eyes and "sees" their child in the future, and imagines them being a certain way. What if she doesn't turn out to be anything like I imagine. That is a very REAL possibility. What if.....sigh.

Is it at all plausible that she will be much like she is now? When she is 15, will I describe her as:
funny
smart
dramatic
caring
giving
people shy
talkative
pouty
adventuresome
??????

On one hand it is exciting to see her become who she is meant to be, but on the other hand, it freaks me out! Sure this isn't something to get all worked up about. No need to put my head between my knees, and breathe into a paper bag. It is enough, however, to get me thinking....get me wondering. If I had to pick three things about my daughter NOW that I hope never changes, what would they be? Here they are:

I want Sugar Bear to NEVER lose her spirit. This girl has spunk...fire....adventure. When she sees something that she wants, she goes after it, and is usually willing to try something new. I certainly hope that she always strives to learn, grow, and achieve. I'd love for her to be a "take charge" kind of gal, and love life as much as she does now. May no one ever squash her spirit.

I want Sugar Bear to NEVER lose her sense of caution. I know this may not seem to mesh with my first want...but it does. She has this great way, of stepping back, and looking....listening...learning before she jumps in. However when she jumps in...she really goes for it. It is the time she takes to make sure it is safe that I value. I hope she always possess this sense of needing to be sure.

I want Sugar Bear to NEVER lose her love. The love I give her,and the love she gives back. At this moment in time...we are as close as they come. Our bond is is tight. May it bend, but never break. May she never NEED to push me away. It is my hope that as she grows, I can give her enough space so that she doesn't need to make her own. May there always be our closeness....a bushel and a peck....and a hug around the neck.

I know that no matter how much I wish, hope, and dream...these three things may never come to be. Am I prepared for that? Not yet. I am still living the fantasy. My Daughter....My Joy!

Who Knew???

Okay, so I may just be the only person on the face of this earth that didn't know this, but I don't want to assume anything, and have another sweet child suffer. Some Tufted Caterpillars are Poisonous!!! Yup, they are...those sweet little hairy caterpillars have toxin in their hairs. WHO KNEW? Seriously....I didn't know this, but I really wish I had.

Go here to see some pictures of what type of caterpillar I am talking about. I don't know about you, but I played with these cute little buggers a lot as a young girl. I never had a problem. NEVER! So today, when Sugar Bear found two in our yard, I let her hold them and touch them all she wanted. It was fun and exciting for her. About 15 minutes after she lost interest in them, I noticed some red bumps on her face. Upon further inspection, I found over 20 red welts on her face, neck, arms, hands and chest. Each red bump had a tiny black hair sticking out of it. I tried to pull them out, but they just broke off. My poor sweet darling started itching like it was going out of style. I hurried her out of her clothes and into a cool bath, while I dialed "ask a nurse"! Guess, what? The nurse didn't know anything about caterpillar stinging hairs either. We did toss around ideas for relieving her itch, and reducing swelling. As I type my girl is covered with a baking soda paste.

Upon an Internet search, I learn that some of these seemingly harmless creatures can actually cause a DEADLY allergic reaction!!! ummm....hello....why didn't I know this? On this site, I read the following:
As a rule, it's best not to handle hairy caterpillars because some of them are poisonous. When specialized hollow hairs on these caterpillars are touched by us "thin-skinned" humans, one or more may break off, create a tiny scratch on our hand, and release a strong toxin into the nearly invisible wound. This process--called "urtication"--is analogous to a bee sting, except that the poison is transmitted by a scratch rather than an injection. Caterpillar urtications can cause severe allergic responses and even death in some people, so--as we said--better NOT to handle hairy caterpillars unless you know they are harmless varieties.

Sugar Bear is fine. She is napping now, and I am checking on her for breathing issues. I just feel so responsible for her discomfort. I don't want this happening again. So please join me, in being aware. I feel like such a heel for letting my girl get hurt by this darn thing. I am constantly encouraging her to experience nature. Now it has come back to bite us in the fanny. :( I now have to tell her the next time we see a cutie pie caterpillar that we can't touch it. darn it!