Monday, August 31, 2009
The photo above really illustrates how I have been feeling lately. I feel like the wooden gate, that has been swallowed by the blackberries. It isn't any one thing in particular, but a series of circumstances that have accumulated into making me feel smothered by my life.
95% of the time, I'm able to handle the stress of my everyday life by increasing the things I love. The other 5% of the time, the very reason I'm stressed in the first place is the fact that I've been unable to do the things I love. Does that make sense? Lately I've been feeling like everything is keeping me from doing the things that make me happy. I'm back to work.....le sigh. And very much feel like I need some "me" time. I am a person that thrives on being alone. Seriously, I need it. Haven't had it......feeling the effects.
Looking through these photos I took back in June brings me some peace. I can close my eyes and imagine myself there. The feeling of abandon. The feeling of solitude.
It is moments like these that I can appreciate the little things. The REALLY little things. Appreciating the things that most go by without noticing.
I'm not always completely alone in these moments, but I can take my time, and let myself fall behind. I can tell my stress walk ahead, leaving me behind on my own.
Most of the time I love my life. Sometimes......I just need to take a break from being the one EVERYONE needs. I just want to be Corey.
I find peace in the journey, if given the time.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Last Tuesday, I posted the latest in my series on child sex abuse. It wasn't until, early Saturday morning, that a comment showed up that stopped my heart.
We need to stamp out sexy kids. That'll solve the problem.
When taking on this subject, I very well knew that the titles, and words I chose for this series would likely bring unwanted searches to my blog, and I stood firm that I could handle that chance, if any of the information helped even one family. Knowing....and seeing is two different things. This comment landed like a solid righthook, and hasn't left my mind since.
With all the publicity of the Jaycee Dugard story this week, my mind has been firmly engaged in the horrors people are capable of. I am deeply saddened by the state of our society, and the sheer inability of our system to protect us.
At first, I wanted to delete this Royston's comment, but hesitated. While the name is there, a link is not. I am not certain the path this person took to my blog, but on the off chance he/she is a reader of one of YOU, I wanted to be sure that the comment doesn't go unnoticed. If the comment had been a joke, even a very poorly executed one, I wouldn't have expected it to be without a track back. I do believe the person who left it is a twisted individual, and is attracted to children. I hope and pray there isn't children in this person's path.
My heart is feeling so very overwhelmed. The other day, while in Walmart, there was a Code Adam (a missing child), and I went into full one panic mode. My heart raced, my throat tightened, and I very nearly left my groceries in the aisle and ran to help look. I stood there, mind racing, and praying to hear the cancel over the intercom. When I finally came, I was full of tears. Watching other shoppers calmly going about their shopping has me screaming on the inside, "don't you know a child is missing? a parent is frantic? something could be VERY wrong???"
This event did not leave my mind for days. I wondered where the child had been, and how many times a day stores have codes like that. My heart goes out to Jaycee's family who have suffered for 18 years the loss of their daughter. One minute there....another not. It is my prayer that Jaycee, her children, and her family have a chance to heal. It will be a heart wrenching journey, I'm sure.
As for Royston.....may you stay away from my blog....and if YOU, my readers, know this person. BEWARE!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Back in ummmm......January my readers were invited to ask me some questions in honor of my 500th post. I have answered a few of them.....but certainly not all. I'm a completely space cadet sometimes. Or rather...I have too many things I WANT to do, and so little time to do them. I have neglected several questions, but I figure I have a year to answer them before they get stale, right? okay.
Beth, from A Mom's Life, asked me what I did before becoming a stay at home mom. This question tickled my funny bone. Mainly because I'm glad I have somehow portrayed my life as one that doesn't work outside the home. I find this to be a success. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working outside the home, but I certainly like the fact that it does NOT define me.
I try to keep my actual profession relatively vague, as to not completely let on to who I am in case one of your is a psycho killer. I will say, that I work 9 months out of the year, and I have unfortunately returned to work after my summer break. le sigh.....
So many wonderful projects I had planned did not happen, but so many unbelievably awesome things did. I am already missing my summer, but strangely excited for autumn to come. I do love autumn. (I'm getting off subject here....)
For the record, I did not see myself as a work outside the home sort of mom. My mom was a stay at home mom, and it just seemed to naturally be what I would do, but you know, sometimes life just doesn't go the way you thought it would. While it is not imperative that I work to support our family, it is very much part of the "deal" that I support my child. I was lucky enough to be able to bring her to work with me until she turned one. THAT was a true gift, that I can never repay. My job is family friendly, and flexible enough for me to ALWAYS put my Sugar first. There are times when I yearn to be home with her more, but honestly as an only child, she needs her preschool/daycare time to socialize with children. It is good for her.
Being that I brought up the "only child" subject, I might as well officially answer one of Marcelle's questions in which she asked me, "are you going to have more Sugar Bears?" and Tommie's question of, "did you always picture yourself as a one kid mom?" Simply put, NO and NO! Growing up I always wanted at least two children, maybe more. I have been child oriented all my life, and yearned to be a mom. However, my situation set me on a different path. I came so close to not having ANY children, that when Sugar Bear came along, she totally, and undeniable completed me. I know it sounds corny, but it is the truth. I have not ONCE, since her birth yearned for another child. I feel that she was meant for me, and I for her, and I am beyond blessed. Now I can't imagine myself having more children. She is it, and I'm really GOOD with that.
Anyhow.....I'm back to work, and missing summer, but the good thing is...I have 647 billion photos to remember it all by. Here are some pics of a trip to the beach in early July with the Sugar and Madame Sass. These were taken about 20 minutes before I tortured Madame Sass with these shots.
Have a happy Day, everyone!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
-I am probably well known and liked by you and your child.
-I can be a man or a woman, married or single.
-I can be of any race, hold any religious belief, and have any sexual preference.
-I can be a parent, step-parent, relative, family friend, teacher, clergyman, babysitter or anyone who comes in contact with children.
-I am likely to be a stable, employed, respected member of the community.
-My education and my intelligence don't prevent me from molesting YOUR child.
I CAN BE ANYBODY!
If you are just joining in today, please be sure to check out the other posts in this series. I am writing a long series on Child Sex Abuse, and welcome anyone and everyone to not only read what I'm writing, but link to it in anyway you choose. All information is coming from the works of Cory Jewell Jensen, M.S, Co-director of the Center for Behavioral Intervention.
Today, let's start with some things we know about child molesters. Things that YOU need to know to protect your children.
I think one of the most important things you can take from this post today, is the fact that a child molester can be ANYONE. Clients of The Center for Behavioral Intervention's Sex offender treatment program have included:
-A judge, a couple of lawyers, and three cops.
-Teachers, coaches and social workers.
-A couple of DHS (Child welfare) workers, and foster parents.
-A Legislator's son, a Pediatrician, and a local TV personality.
-Ministers, business people, truck drivers, and contractors.
-About 150 woman.
Those folks are the ones that have been reported, convicted and sentenced. Most sex offenders commit dozens of sexual crimes before they are reported, and abuse numerous children before they are caught. About 30% of reports result in an arrest, and 30% of arrests result in a conviction. Studies show that our current system only catches about 3% to 10% of the offenders.
Many people blindly feel that they can count on State or National Sex Offender Registries, but clearly this doesn't cover the threat to your child. First of all, it wasn't until 1996 that all 50 states had some for of Sex Offender Registration, and it only applied to offenders leaving prison from that time forward. All Offenders prosecuted and released BEFORE the registration was put into law did not have to register.
The State in which I live has had a registry since 1990. Currently, 1 out of every 108 men is a registered sex offender in my State. I don't know about you, but THAT FREAKS ME OUT! If we are only catching 3-10%, then in reality nearly 1 in 20 men may be a sex offender. Some studies think it can be as prevalent as 1 in 10 men. While I was unable to secure statistics for women offenders in my state, it is believed that anywhere between 5-20% of adult child molesters are female.
Why do people molest children? This is a question often pondered, and many theories are common. One of the most prevalent is the belief that people who molest children were sexually abused as children themselves. If this were completely true we'd have TWICE as many female offenders as male, since TWICE as many girls are abuse than boys. This simply is not the case. Studies range from saying 5% to 30% of sex offenders were sexually abused as children.
Another common belief is that those that sexual abuse children are doing it for POWER AND CONTROL. It really appears that this is a secondary issue. Offenders generally offend in situations where they can exert power and control in order to continue offending. However most of us would not molest a child just because we had a bad day or our spouse was mad or rejected us. I ask you this important question:
What would it take for YOU to have sex with a child?
Seriously ponder that question. While we all do things to make ourselves feel more powerful or effective, having sex with a child isn't one most people would choose unless they were attracted to children in the first place, don't understand how wrong or harmful it is, or just don't care. Most of us cringe at the very thought of that question, and simply can't stomach coming up with a scenario in which we would sexual touch a child. THAT is what separates us from the offenders.
Child molestation isn't the kind of thing where people wake up one day and have something wrong with them. Here's what we know, 3 out of 4 offenders start offending during childhood. In fact some studies report that 40% of all sexual crimes against children are committed by juveniles. Later in this series we will explore further sexual behavior between children.
I'll finish up today with the answer to the question, "Why do some people sexually abuse children?" :
-They have a sexual interest in children.
-They believe sexual contact with children is OK.
-Some feel they are expressing "love" by offending.
-Some don't care about the effect of sexual abuse on children.
THEY CAN BE ANYBODY!
Please join me next week when I'll be discussing the leading theory of HOW someone becomes a child molester, and much much more. I thank you for bearing with me during these awful, yet crucial posts. While they are hard to read, I do hope that knowledge is power.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
For this post, I'm leaning towards the definition of NOSTALGIA being "a wistful or excessively sentimental sometimes abnormal yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition."
This photo was taken in our local family cemetery. It isn't that I'm directly related to EVERYONE laid to rest there, but a great deal I am. Our family has been caretakers of the cemetery for decades as well. I find it to be a very relaxing, yet sobering place to be.
My companion and I quietly wandered through the crooked rows, and read the headstones out loud to each other. We were saddened by the many young children buried beneath the stones. We spoke of how awful it have been in those times to bury not one, but often two of your children. While the sadness was present, there was also much respect for those that came before us. Those that lived during trying times.
While none of this sounds very NOSTALGIC, the rest of our visit was. I introduced my companion to the grave of her grandmother and great grandparents she never knew. She lingered remembering the stories she has been told. In another row, undersome large fir trees, I stood silent by the graves of my grandparents and great grandparents. Some of which I never knew....and some of which I miss everyday. I closed my eyes and yearned for just one more day with the grandma who never spared affection. The person in my life that taught me to never hold back my emotions. The person who died much to soon, and never met my daughter. I stood, I honored...I missed. I wanted to turn back time.
Head on over to I ♥ Faces, and see what everyone else is feeling NOSTALGIC about.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Yesterday, I posted some pics of my little Sugar honey taking a ride on a motorcycle. I quietly asked if the reason for my loss of breath was her delighted smile. Autumn hit the nail on the head when she gandered a guess that it wasn't. While her smile surely lit up the entire world, my heart skipped more than a few beats watching her motor around on that thing.
I personally like to see her DRIVING this thing instead:
While she found GREAT joy, I was a nervous wreck. The driver is a friend of The Hubby. He is a very skilled rider, and while giving The Sugar her ride, he went quite slow. I insisted on the helmet. He had been riding around his daughter, who is a year older than Sugar without the helmet. Sugar Bear watched for quite some time, and then asked me if she could have a turn. I was sad to break her heart, but I simply couldn't let her do it without a helmet. She tugged my shirt and said, "There's a kids helmet up at Grandma and Papa's house!" and by golly she was right. My brother had left his daughter's helmet there. LUCKY DAY!
I think you can tell by her smile that she was completely and utterly enthralled with that motorcycle. Oh dear......I can see my future.
Those photos were taken earlier in this month while we were camping on my parent's property. It really is the perfect place to camp. It is located at the mouth of a creek meeting a river. There is a wonderful swimming area...
where the kids can play...
and the adults can snorkle.
Our Dog likes to get in on the action. She is a diving fool. It is her passion. I am NOT kidding. In these photos, The Hubby is sinking a shiny aluminum can, and Daisy dog is diving to get it. As you can see.....the water is about 5 feet deep. She dives with a spiral action. It is so fun to watch.
What a silly dog. She is obsessed. She did it so much that first day....she sprained her tail. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING!!!!
Camping is great, and Sugar seems to agree with me....a person has to love campin' food.
This was the second campin' trip we took this summer. I haven't edited the pics from the first trip. THOSE will be coming, because we had a blast.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Just a quick little note to let everyone know that I am yet again having Internet issues. sigh......I am unsure of when I'll be able to post photos. Could be tomorrow....could be a week. We'll see.
In the mean time, I'm back to work. boo hoo......and Sugar is back to daycare, which is good for her. She really missed her friends. Children NEED other kids to play with. I'm looking forward to getting us back on a schedule, and have a bit of a predictability.
We had a GREAT summer, and I have so many photos of the things we have done. I'll be editing them, and hopefully will have some success getting them uploaded to flickr, and into some posts soon.
Have a great day!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Welcome to Sunday Citar! This blog quote meme was created by Tabitha @ FreshMommy. You can stop by her blog to see the quotes and photos that she and everyone else is loving right now.
"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I'd like to be something to someone!"~ Javan
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I posted some of my most favorite new photos using my new Opteka .35x HD² Super Wide Angle Panoramic Macro Fisheye Lens for Canon EOS / EF (could that name be any longer?). I was totally inspired to get this fun little toy by the amazing Carol. I have admired Carol, and her photography for about 4 years. Back in July she started posting some really silly shots, that got me all inspired. The great thing about Carol is that she always shares where she got the fun new stuff. Soon, it was sitting in my Amazon cart as well. It took me several weeks to push the purchase button, but I did, and have been experimenting away. There has been a learning curve that I still haven't came out on the fabulous side of yet, but I'm certainly having a blast. :) It totally is a bargain for the amount of fun I've been having.
Okay..okay, so it was just Tiny, but that's pretty fun too, right?
We visited our favorite tree hill. I am totally not kidding when I say that a TON of pics have been taken here. This is always were we jump in puddles in the winter. I love this shot because it accentuates the circle of the road.
A walk isn't complete without Daisy Dog....
And good times on the magic school bus (old trailer parked at the end of the road).
There is always time to enjoy nature along the way.
One of the important things to do when playing with a new toy is to take a picture of your bling. It certainly helps you figure out it's capabilities (while I'm kidding here...it really did teach me a few things).
Of course one of the best things about this toy is the fact that it can create such silly and wacky images. I giggle each time I see this last picture.