Thursday, October 4, 2007

F.......is for Follow-up!

I just KNOW you have been hanging on a thread waiting...pacing....checking my blog day in and day out for the follow up to the Larry the Apple story! Go ahead admit it...you are just dying to find out if Sigfried the Fugi is alive and kicking. Are you confused? Did you NOT read about Larry? You better take a few minutes to do that....RIGHT NOW! I'll wait....don't worry...you have time.

(insert the Jeopardy theme song here)

Oh...there you are. Man I thought you'd take forever, but you must a be a speed reader. WOW! I really admire that in you.

Anyhow...on with the follow-up....on with the journey to create the ultimate apple face. Wanna hear about it? Here's a little story....here it goes.

A few days after I posted about poor little Larry, I received a very special email. I nearly deleted it before reading it for fear it was a vicious, virus laden email. It was from an Amy Maclin, whom I had never heard of, and was titled, "Larry the Apple Doll." Now I reasoned that it would be a crazy cowinkydink if I got a spam email with the same name as Larry, so I carefully opened it. How, you may ask, can one carefully open an email? I'm glad you asked. It involves crossing your fingers, closing your eyes, and saying a little prayer. Then you must, and this is a HUGE MUST, only look at it with one eye first. When you have verified that it isn't dangerous, you may open the other eye. Don't ask me where I learned this technique, but so far it has worked for me. You have my permission to give it a try next time you receive a suspicious email.

ANYHOW...I digress (actually that happens to me a lot.) The email blew my socks off. I have permission to share it with you. Oh and don't worry you can used both eyes. Remember...I already checked it out:

Dear Corey,

You won't believe this, but I'm the Wondertime editor who made the
apple
doll in the Sept/Oct issue! I just happened to find your post about the
ill-fated Larry through a Technorati search, and wanted to let you know
how
sorry I am about his untimely demise. If it's any consolation, my
first
apple friend suffered a partially collapsed skull and a cleft palate.
My
second, however, is not only surviving but thriving, and it is my fond
hope
you will one day be able to say the same for Sigfried.

Really, your post made me laugh so hard -- it made my week, if not my
entire
professional career. I'm so thrilled that you like the magazine.

All the best,

Amy


Okay...so now you are thinking....oh yeah baby...I knew her when....she wasn't famous or anything, right? You are feeling all proud just to know me, huh? Yeah...you rock, too.

I quickly checked my latest issue of Wondertime, to verify that Amy wasn't some crazy stalker person. I was pleased to see her name listed as a Senior Associate Editor. Through several follow-up emails we established that quite possibly poor dear Larry's demise had a little something to do with his outdoor environment. Amy was so kind to share a few tips and tricks in hopes that Sigfried would be spared the pain and suffering that befell (is that a word?) Larry. Oh and more importantly, Amy shared my blog post with a co-worker who happened to be in the Art Department, and mentioned, "Wow, it's really nicely shot." Between you and me, I got a pretty good kick out of that.

So...with out further ado...I would like to share with you the story of Sigfried the Fugi.

Sigfried was understandably a little hesitant to emerge from the crisper. Even though Stinky the Cauliflower was still ruining the crisper environment, Sigfried had most certainly heard rumor of Larry's ill fated journey. Never the less, he agreed to pose for a pre-peeling photo.


His beauty took my breath away...or it might have been the lingering stench wafting from the crisper. Anyhoo...the next step involved a knife, and Sigfried's bravery was noted. My lovely assistant, Sugar Bear, was more than willing to pose with Sigfried for the post-peeling photo. Sigfried could be heard muttering, "Stop showing them my Hiney!", but that only gave Sugar Bear a chuckle.


Next, Sugar Bear assisted Sigfried in entering the sour, salty bath. The instructions suggested submerging the apple for 5 minutes, which we had followed for Larry's treatment. Since that hadn't ended too well, I instructed Sugar Bear to help Sigfried swim for at least 10 minutes. She was happy to oblige. Here is the initial submergence.


It was Sugar Bear's idea to give him a little stirry stir.


Ummm yeah...she is brilliant...and she knows it!


Then a not so innocent maneuver was attempted, and I am afraid that Sigfried might have been violated tickled inappropriately.


Once again...Sugar Bear got a little chuckle out of it! Who raised this toilet humor lover, anyhow? This little incident almost lost her the title of "lovely assistant", but being that she is only two and a half...I gave her a second chance.


After Sugar Bear rescued the slightly irritated Sigfried from the sour, salty bath, I proceeded to carve him a very endearing little face. Sugar insisted on helping with this process, thus his features got a tad bit bigger than intended. We still felt that it was promising. Here Sigfried ponies up for a big first day photo. Doesn't he look thrilled?


Per, Amy's suggestion, I placed Sigfried in one of our kitchen cupboards. Sugar gave him a bit of a pep talk being that he expressed a significant fear of the dark. I think it helped. At least, we could hardly hear his cries once we shut the door.

24 hours later, I opened the cupboard, and took out a quite whiny Sigfried for a bit of a breather, and a day 2 photo. I was surprised that there was very little difference in his appearance.


By day three, we began to notice a receding of the hairline. It is uncertain if this is due to the drying process, or whether he had been pulling his hair out one by one.


Day four showed a thickening of the skin, and a slight browning is certain spots. Sugar wondered if it was the continued fear of the dark aging him, but I assured her that he was over that by now. Just looking at him, one could see that he had lapsed into a coma.


Opening the cupboard on day five, presented a strange turn of events. Unpredictably, and quite tragically, a small hole had appeared in his left eye. Sigfried was lucid enough to complain of a nagging headache. This bit of news left Sugar Bear and I feeling not very optimistic.


Sadly, at this time we were forced to leave on a 3 day vacation. We made sure Sigfried was as comfortable as possible, and regrettably left him at home. Upon our return, we were met with the news of poor, dear Sigfried's untimely death.


During a very extensive autopsy, it was discovered that his death was due to Naegleria fowleri (nuh-GLEER-ee-uh FOWL’-erh-eye). Upon further investigation, it was concluded that the killer amoeba must have been present in that darn sour, salty bath. Much blame was tossed back and forth between I and my assistant, but in the end, we had to admit that we just couldn't have seen this coming. What are the odds? Seriously? I am still not certain that Sugar Bear's inappropriate hiney jokes didn't cause dear Sigfried to snort water up his nose, but.....alas...there is no proof of this. I figure, it is just one more reason that toilet humor has no place in the kitchen.

Rest in Peace Dear Sigfried the Fugi.

14 Live It or Love It:

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

COREY!!!!!!! You crack me up, mama! That is too, too funny.

Your pics are always wonderfully shot - so glad to hear more recognition of that.

And hey - when did you become such a blogging rock star? I am out for a few weeks and come back to find your sidebar filled with all kinds of bloggy bling. Look at you, girl! :D

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

LOLOLOL! I think I like this story better than the Larry one - you are too hilarious! And the photos are wonderful too - you capture Sugar Bear's expressions so well.

Are you going to try a third time? :)

bellevelma said...

I would love to try this with Snags - well, with an apple and Snags. You know what I mean.

But right now we are battling an infestation of fruit flies that I believed hitched a ride on some bananas I bought at Whole Foods.

So I think no fruit in the house until the flies have died.

And then all the fruit will have to be the pesticide filled kind that don't attact fruit flies.

Autumn said...

LOL that made my morning! I love the pictures, they make me feel like I was there. :)
And recognition from a certified professional for your talent.. Now.. picture me on my knees bowing at you (think Waynes world)and saying:
We are not worthy!
We are not worthy!
I always knew you were destined for greatness. LOL

Laura said...

Oh my gosh, this totally made me laugh out loud! Great post, Corey! And please accept my deepest condolences about the loss of Sigfried. He was a good apple...

Melissa Garrett said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, dear friend Corey . . . this is the BEST post I've read today!! THANK YOU!

*heidi* said...

lol I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! Great story, great pictures, great diagnoses. Great and lovely assistant. And lookie here, now you're famous! LOL Remember I knew you before you blogged. :) Keep it up! Love. It. All.

CamiKaos said...

You and I have a very very similar method for opening up suspect emails.

Mine however also includes a slow cautious one finger click of the email in question.

:)

Mama Zen said...

I am almost speechless. I can just picture a CSI team investigating poor Sigfried's untimely passing!

One thing to add to your suspicious email technique - you must also take a quick look around to make sure that your husband isn't looking!

Pam said...

I LOVE it! Who would have thought that a rotting apple could be so funny?! I'm going to link to this story on my blog. It's a real gem!

Stacie said...

Wow. You are so funny, and about a rotting apple! And the photos are great!

Swistle said...

They last longer if you leave the skin on. My brother used to carve me a apple-lantern every October.

Donetta said...

You are so well written! I love the joy you have in your sugar bear!
Your photography is so vivid and fun to see.

Lori- Fairytales & Margaritas said...

That was great! I'm so excited that Wondertime read your post and liked it and your pics! Maybe they'll have you as a guest writer!

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