Who She Is

Recently, I spent some time looking back in this ol' blog's archives, and couldn't help but notice how much I used to WRITE. Boy did I write. I'm so very glad I did. Reading the old posts is like a gift to myself. A gift that I could only imagine when I wrote them. They give me small glimpses into our past, and for a mama with a pretty forgetful memory, it is truly priceless.

One post, in particular "spoke to me" this week. I wrote that post almost FOUR years ago. Sugar Bear was only 2 and a half at the time, and if you think I'm smitten with my girl NOW....you should have seen me than (and I know some of you did). I had a full-on CRUSH on my precious little honey, and I wasn't afraid to admit it. :)

In that post, I discussed my feelings about Sugar Bear growing up....and the change that might come to her personality and our relationship. It is hard things to think about, but I think I reflected my feelings pretty well. One thing I did that I am truly grateful for is the fact that I listed out a few personality traits that I felt accurately described my Sugar Bear at the time. Here is the list:

funny
smart
dramatic
caring
giving
people shy
talkative
pouty
adventuresome

Scanning that list today, I see that some four years later, things have quite nearly stayed the same as much as they have changed. Sugar Bear is no longer:

Dramatic
Talkative
Pouty

But she is still is:

Funny
Smart
Caring
Giving
People Shy
Adventuresome

She is also:

Mindful (Attentive; heedful)
Responsible
Easy Going

As I sit here contemplating my dearest Sugar Bear, and trying to pinpoint traits that describe her, I get lost in the many facets of who she is. She really is quite nearly a completely different child in certain situations. I think her kindergarten teacher would be so surprised to hear me describing Sugar as funny, and adventuresome. In school she is shy and mindful. She hesitates, and goes with the flow, often letting others choose for her. With me, she is confident, and exuberant. She takes charge, yet she does often look to me for approval. People have said that she lives to please me. This messes with a mama's emotions. While it has aided in easily raising this girl up so far, it worries me. I want her to make her own decisions, and stand by HER thoughts and beliefs. She is just so compliant, and easy to be with. It is hard to encourage her to be different.

Writing this post has sparked an idea that I want to pursue. I will be asking several folks who are important in Sugar Bear's life to pick 5 words that describe her. It will be fun to see what they come up with, and to compare them to who I see her to be. I'll be sure to share the results when I get them.

In the mean time, I am committing to MORE writing. All too often, I only carve out enough time to throw some pictures up on the blog, and call it good. Reading my older posts really reminded me how important it is to document the who, the when, the where and the why of our everyday goings on. I don't ever want to forget WHO my girl was, is, and will be....

and how I feel about that. It's the feelings I don't want to forget.