I just don't know what I'd do.
My dearest Sugar Bear. You are the brilliant light that leads me through the darkness. There are days when I just can't imagine getting out of bed without the promise of seeing your face. I am so very grateful that I can always count on YOU to be that amazing source of JOY I so desperately need in my life.
Your beauty, both inside and out, finds a way of making each and every moment we are together simply better than the next. I cherish our hurried mornings where you make it seem not so brief. I miss your presence while I struggle through my day. Often just the thought of you can get me one step closer to where I want to be. It pulls me out of the muck....and onto solid ground. Reuniting with you is like a breath of fresh air. Holding your hand.....hearing your voice......kissing your face.....it is healing to my soul.
Mama's is in a hard place. I've been there before. I hate that I wrote that 1.5 years ago....and I'm still feeling relatively the same. There has been ups and downs along the way, but nothing compares to this right now.
I am smart enough to know when I need help, and I am in counseling. This is a good thing. I always know when I'm really ready for change when I take this step.
I refuse to let something change who I fundamentally am. I refuse to let something change the person I deserve to be.....who Sugar Bear deserves as a mother. I just can't let ANYTHING destroy my inner light.
That would be BAD!
Sugar Bear believes in me. Through her, I have had the great opportunity to make myself a better person. I have used my love for my child to encourage myself to strive for excellence of heart.
Without this amazing little honey, I fear that I would just accept.....and let myself die a little each day. Instead, I pull myself up by the boot straps and move forward with what really.....REALLY matters.
Thank you, Sugar Bear! You are the gift that keeps on giving. You are the light that keeps on shining. You are my inspiration, and for that I am forever grateful.
It may not look like it....but my LIFE IS GOOD! and it will be even better....soon!
Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.
~ Samuel Smiles