Mother's Day Musing

On my 5th Mother's Day, my thoughts run back to something I wrote the day after my second Mother's Day. At the time, I sat at my computer emptying my head of the swirling thoughts that so desperately needed a place to settle. My private Internet Mommy Board was the perfect outlet for this, and I would like to share what I wrote that day. Forgive it of any typos or grammatical errors, as I so hurriedly emptied my mind at the time.

Written on 5/15/06:
"So here's the deal....I didn't receive anything other than a card from my own mom on Mother's Day. Hubby was out of town, and didn't get me anything. I wasn't surprised by this, and had really thought about it ahead of time, and decided it was okay. So I had a nice Mother's Day. I focused my energy and thoughts on my daughter. I enjoyed every minute with her yesterday, and did lots of thinking about how close I came to never being a mom, and how blessed I am. I smiled so much yesterday. I really felt good.

Then....I come to work...and EVERYONE keeps asking me what I "got" for mother's day, and when I tell them that I didn't "get" anything......they all pout and frown and tell me how sad that is.....and I tell them that I am okay with it...and they want to give me a hug and feel all sad for me..... so NOW I feel icky. NOW I feel like my Mother's Day wasn't good enough. NOW I am sad.....what the heck?

It really must all be about perspective. I think that usually in my life I tend to CHOOSE to be happy, and it works for me. I feel that life is too short to spend feeling sorry for myself, and if I choose to make lemonade out of the lemons that come my way...then I will have led a blessed life. I honestly couldn't care less about the "material gifts" of Mother's Day, so why now am I feeling sad? Well, I think it is because I have been told that I "should" be sad! So here I sit, trying to steer my mind back to the happy place...the place that knows that it doesn't matter what I "got" on Sunday. It is what I "get" each and every day being Sugar Bear's mom. She appreciates me everyday....and she is starting to really really really show it, when she runs to me when I pick her up after work....when she calls out, "momma??" when she is in another room and smiles so big when she finds me...When she comes to me in the middle of playing just to hug my leg.

I sit here looking forward to the day when she comes home from school with that little handmade pipe cleaner flower and the biggest most proud smile on her face. I look forward to the day that I proudly wear the sloppy, glitter decorated foam sun visor she so proudly made me. I have so much to look forward to. So to all those doubters of my "happy Mother's Day".....I loudly say, "I am blessed...and each and every day is Mother's Day simply because I am so honored to be Sugar Bear's MOM!" Thanks for letting me share. I needed to regroup. It's all good now!"

For the past five years now, I have been unable to shake the expectations OTHERS place on MY Mother's Day. I feel that I simply have not been successful at getting the point across. I am deeply saddened, and grow tired of the heavy pressure we put upon ourselves and our families to produce the "perfect holiday", and to most importantly have something tangible....something material to show for it. WHY? Why must everything be so COMMERCIAL? Does the material gifts, and fancy plans really indicate a true appreciation for all that is motherhood? Is there a direct correlation between the quality of the gift and the quality of the mother? I can't get over the look that crosses people's faces when I reply to their inquiry of what I GOT for Mother's Day. Somehow, I feel the need to comfort THEM. To assure THEM that MY Mother's Day was worthy. To convince THEM that I feel appreciated and loved. That is all sorts of crazy if you ask me.

While pondering the meaning of Mother's Day, I couldn't stop myself from "googling" it. I found the Wikipedia description fascinating. *note to self- never stop thirsting for knowledge* The following excerpt interested me the most:

The United States celebrates Mother's Day on the second Sunday in May. In the United States, Mother's Day was loosely inspired by the British day and was imported by social activist Julia Ward Howe after the American Civil War. However, it was intended as a call to unite women against war. In 1870, she wrote the Mother's Day Proclamation as a call for peace and disarmament. Howe failed in her attempt to get formal recognition of a Mother's Day for Peace. Her idea was influenced by Ann Jarvis, a young Appalachian homemaker who, starting in 1858, had attempted to improve sanitation through what she called Mothers' Work Days. She organized women throughout the Civil War to work for better sanitary conditions for both sides, and in 1868 she began work to reconcile Union and Confederate neighbors.

When Jarvis died in 1907, her daughter, named Anna Jarvis, started the crusade to found a memorial day for women. The first such Mother's Day was celebrated in Grafton, West Virginia, on 10 May 1908, in the church where the elder Ann Jarvis had taught Sunday School. Originally the Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church, this building is now the International Mother's Day Shrine (a National Historic Landmark). From there, the custom caught on — spreading eventually to 45 states. The holiday was declared officially by some states beginning in 1912. In 1914 President Woodrow Wilson declared the first national Mother's Day, as a day for American citizens to show the flag in honor of those mothers whose sons had died in war.

Nine years after the first official Mother's Day, commercialization of the U.S. holiday became so rampant that Anna Jarvis herself became a major opponent of what the holiday had become. Mother's Day continues to this day to be one of the most commercially successful U.S. occasions. According to the National Restaurant Association, Mother's Day is now the most popular day of the year to dine out at a restaurant in the United States.

Now I acknowledge that Mother's Day isn't alone in this crazy COMMERCIALISTIC trend. Nearly every Holiday has been tarnished by our NEED for STUFF. Why then am I so bothered by it? Why does Mother's Day never fail to drive this message home for me? Truly, I am bothered by our society's need to make all holidays about the stuff, but it seems Mother's Day bothers me most. 

It might lie in the fact that this mother holds so very dear her honor to be a mother. This mother doesn't need a stinking holiday to tell me that I am important, and that each day I share with my Sugar is a blessing beyond measure. Maybe I take offense to others judging my worth as a mother by THIER expectations of my gifts. Maybe I just grow tired of having to prove that my little unconventional family is worthy. My journey to motherhood wasn't easy, but it doesn't make it any less or more valuable. It is just that...the journey. We all have our own story...it is our own....and so should our Mother's Day be!

Much of this post is directly copied and pasted from last year's post.  I find it interesting, yet very distrubing that while I thought all day of writing this post, I had no idea that last year's post would say nearly EVERYTHING I wished to say.  It wasn't until I looked back at it, that I realized my feelings have changed very little from a year ago, let alone 5 years ago.   Today, as I read through many of my friend's blogs, or facebook statuses I was disheartened to see women feeling poorly of their Mother's Day.  It saddens me to think that anyone allows another to steal their joy of motherhood.  It is unthinkable, that any mother should feel unloved, or underappreciated on Mother's Day.  One must take charge of their day, and choose for it to be meaningful.  We do not need to be honored by others....to honor ourselves and who we are.

This Mother's Day, I spent it much like the past five.  I purposfully concentrated on the blessings of motherhood, and cherished special moments with Sugar Bear.  I used my day to slow down, and honor the great blessing it is to be a mother.  It is true that I feel so very blessed everyday, but what better of a day than Mother's Day to acknowledge how lucky I am.  What more perfect opportunity than Mother's Day to look into these eyes.....

and say, "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be YOUR mom!"

LIFE IS GOOD!!!