Thursday, January 27, 2011

25 random things you might wonder why you wanted to know!

1. I just got a paper cut, and you'd think my entire finger got lopped off in a wild and crazy argument with a lawnmower.

2. I think I need a 12 step program for my Library addiction.

3. When Sugar Bear was 3 months old, while we were laying in my bed nursing in the middle of the night, I passed gas extremely loud. My girl unlatched, looked up at me and ripped an awesome toot of her very own, then went right on nursing. I took it as a sign that she is brilliant, and destined for good things.

4. I watched "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives", the other night on The Food Network HD, and only tried to lick the TV twice.

5. I make inappropriate jokes when I'm stressed, scared, nervous, anxious, or otherwise emotional. Yup...I'm the idiot cracking the jokes at a funeral. I have no control over it.

6. Most of my underwear are are at least 12 years old...AND I still wear my maternity panties sometimes. They are sooooo comfy! (don't look at me like that!)

7. I may or may not have eaten an ENTIRE tin of Danish Butter Cookies all by myself in the last week. Jeg elsker Cookies! Cookies er djævelen!!!

8. I've gained 10 lbs in the past year, and I don't know why. (tee hee)

9. I might have permanent tennis elbow and wrist injury due to four evenings, in a row, of playing "Just Dance 2" on our new wii system.

10. I shave my legs about once a month. Smooth skin is totally overrated, and I think braided leg hair is super sexy.

11. I snort when I laugh. I snort when I take photos of children. I squeal when I'm excited, I squeal when I'm frightened. and I oink when I eat. hmmmm......can someone come over and check to see if I have a curly tail?

12. I think the Dirty Dish Fairy is a bastard for never coming to my house. (Sorry for that naughty word.....I don't know what came over me! Oh yeah, I know....I have a sink full of dirty dishes, and I'm pretty darn grouchy about it!)

13. My husband says I have too much stuff. I absolutely do NOT agree, so I just stomp my way through that little narrow path that leads from my computer to my bed, and pout.

14. You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose, BUT you sure as heck should tell them if they have a bat in the cave. Come on.....don't just leave it hanging.

15. This one time.....I pooped on the floor, and this really nice lady tried to tell me that it was just "a little amniotic fluid", but I knew she was just full of crap. (bad word again.....sorry.) She was sweet and all, but you can't kid a kidder, or a woman who is experiencing intense labor pains, and feels like a hippopotamus in a bedsheet.

16. This other time when I was wearing light tan slacks, I sat in some yucky brown liquid, then had to go have dinner with 4 wonderful women I had never laid eyes on in person before. Good thing the restaurant was super dark. I could at least pretend that they all didn't think I just pooped my pants. AWESOME! Talk about a super cool first impression.

17. I laugh like a crazed lunatic when someone falls down. (even Sugar Bear, but I try to hide it.) I know....I know...I'm evil, but I can't help it. It looks so funny!

18. If you stare into your refrigerator long enough.....hard enough......it still won't make dinner for you. I've tried it......MANY times.

19. shhhhhh....don't tell anyone, but I think the candy bowl at work knows how much I weigh. It keeps laughing at me every time I walk by.

20. I say "DUDE!" and "Groovy!" wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much, and
"Kerfuffle" and "Gargalesis" and "Subintelligitur" not nearly enough.

21. It is subintelligitur that I do not like gargalesis, and if you try it....you better be ready for an extreme kerfuffle.

22. Being that I breast fed Sugar Bear for 1,642 and a half days, I shouldn't be surprised that she sometimes still likes to "cop a feel", but seriously.......does everyone in our house think my boobs are fair game? Even the cat likes to knead them once in awhile. sigh......

23. and I only like it about HALF the time.

24. If you pass gas in a forest, a squirrel dies. Now don't you feel guilty?

25. I sometimes embellish when I tell stories to make them more interesting. Only sometimes.

oh and if you liked this post....you might REALLY, REALLY like
THIS ONE I did a few years ago. I think I used up all my good ones that time. darn it!

10 Live It or Love It:

Christina said...

I <3 you, Corey. Seriously, you are awesome. You definitely did not use up all your good material last time, as this was fantastic. I was actually working on a similar post when this one popped up for me...but yours is WAAAAAY better than mine. I mean this in the most loving way possible, but you are such a wacky goofball! :oP

Christina said...

P.S. I'm a little envious that Sugar breastfed that long. Nadia weaned herself at 15 months, and I still sometimes miss it.
Oh, and all your tidbits related to passing gas made to want to share this story. Scott and his boys call is a "southern wind." I told Nadia that but she can never remember, and has taken to calling it a "western breeze." totally cracks me up every time!!!

Marcelle said...

LOL did I have a laugh at so many of these entries....
The breastfeeding one stands out the most, then those 12 year old panties NEED to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your poor hubby....lol

Janet said...

Hahaha! Lovely post Corey! Love your sense of humour!

Jen said...

You are so funny Corey. This post made my morning.

Autumn said...

OMG number 3 had me in tears I was laughing so hard! I love love love that you put it all out there and see the humor in life. :) Oh and not quite as bad as your old panties but I have some red sox that I still wear sometimes... from cheerleading! What is that like 18 years ago? lol

Kerstin said...

you have not only that special talent to take photos - no you have that special talent to write too.
what a funny morning for me - even I've learned that I am responsible for the death of 100 squirrels or more :)

The Johnson Family said...

Oh my gosh Corey, I laughed so hard reading this! My fave is the one about the toot LOL!!! Your awsome!

Ashley said...

You are so funny! I love it! But you forgot that bladder infections are the perfect way to break the ice :)

Jessie said...

I love this post! I laughed out loud at your panties. For whatever reason (b/c I don't shop there) Victoria Secret feels the need to send me a little card giving me a free panty like every other month. If it weren't for their generosity (b/c I only get the free panties and leave) I would have REALLY old ones. Danish butter cookies are my fav and I can't keep anything I love in the house or it is gone. I hope to breastfeed Ruby for as long as she wants it. You go girl - 4 is awesome! I agree with Christina and will use the word awesome 3 times in this comment - you are awesome!

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