Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I think he loves me because I can procrastinate like no other!

Yeah, back in January, I posted my 500th post, and asked my readers to inundate me with questions.  A few of you, took me up on that, and have been so patient in waiting for the answers (As long as you don't count that one death threat, and the burning pile of dog poo I found in the porch the other day.)  I did managed to cover some of the random questions HERE, a version of my perfect day HERE, and got a bit wordy HERE about the photography queries.  

As much as I'd like to continue to procrastinate doing the tougher questions, I simply can not deny that I actually have the time today to tackle all the questions about The Hubby today.  It is Spring Break, The Sugar is at preschool today, The Hubby is working, and it isn't late at night, and my brain is actually functioning.  Sounds like a perfect combination to knock this puppy out.  So here goes.....

In an effort to not have to rehash the whole story, if you haven't been along for this whole "Living and Loving" ride, please head over here and read a bit about the foundation. Due to his desire for privacy, I rarely write about him.  I did, however, give in and open a bit up about him here.  Please check those two posts out before moving on.  I'll wait.  In fact, I'll take this time to go eat a cinnamon roll.  It is lonely, and has been calling me name.  I'm just gonna eat it to shut it up.  K? I take it we're all back, and completely up on the saga of my life.  I'll wipe the frosting off my fingers, and get to it.

I know, I briefly mentioned that The Hubby and I have been together since the beginning of time High School, but Aspiemom wondered where I met him.  I wish I remember the very first time we saw each other, but I hardly remember what I had for lunch yesterday, so it is a little much to expect from my feeble mind.  I do know, that I am a third generation graduate of my High School, and I started attending that School District my 2nd grade year.  The Hubby, however, moved to my hometown sometime during his Junior Year, which was my Freshman Year.  While I don't recall the exact day I met him, I do have some early memories of him.  He remembers seeing me on the school bus, and I remember drooling over his lifted, red and white 1979 Ford pick-up.  It really stood out in our small town.  No one else had anything like it.  Remember, that he already worked for his dad in Commercial Fishing, so he had more money than the rest of us lazy teenagers.

The Hubby and my brother were in the same class, and became friends.  It wasn't until the following year, that we started spending time together.  Soon we were dating.  It was my first real relationship.  In fact, by the fall of my Junior Year, I was completely and utterly FREAKED out to be so serious.  Doing what any crazy teenage girl would do.  I broke up with him.  It was awful, and broke both our hearts.  For nearly a year, we remained apart, and unhappy.  The Summer of my Senior Year, we got back together....and the history.  We dated for 5 years, then got married, after I finished College.  We will celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary this July.  Man.....time flies.

That brings us to present day.  Jo Beaufoix asked me if The Hubby ever poses for photos for me.  The answer is a pretty big NO.  As you read in that second post I linked to about hubby (what you didn't read it????? SHAME ON YOU!), the only time he easily allows me to take photos is when he with with a dead animal.  I'm sorry to say, I can't stomach it, and do not try to take a nice portrait.  I just simply point and shoot.  All the other photos I have of him, are ones I snuck when he wasn't paying attention.  The other day, I realized that there is not a single photo of us together since 1996.  I was shocked...but not surprised.  Upon further contemplation I remembered that there are a few of us together at my brother's wedding, in 2004.  It is a bit sad, and something I need to remedy.  I mentioned it to him, and he may allow some shots of us one of these days.  He is just so self-conscience, and doesn't value the documentation of his life.   However, for my dear Sugar Bear, I must find a way to get her parents in the same photo.  It is my newest mission.  

Both Autumn and Gayle wanted to hear a bit more about The Hubby and Sugar Bear's relationship, and how I feel about it. You see, I have 100% responsibility of Sugar Bear, and while it is strange to MANY, it works for us.  In fact, I works really well for me.  I'm a bit of a control freak......yup.....I am, and particularly about parenting decisions.  I rather like that I have 100% say on how Sugar Bear is raised, and I like to think it makes it easier on Sugar Bear, as she has very consistent parenting.  So many parents struggle to agree on some many parenting decisions, and I am POSITIVE that The Hubby and I would be arguing  A LOT about all the details, because we are very different people.  Instead, all things are diverted to me, and since my connection with Sugar is so deep, I don't mind one bit.  From day one it has been all me.  The best way to describe it is to think of a single parent.  That is me.  If it has to do with the care of Sugar, it is my job.  Specifically, Autumn wondered if The Hubby had ever watch Sugar Bear alone.  A combination of respecting their comfort levels, and my annoying control issues, it happens very rarely.  Usually for no more than 45 minutes.  I will run to the store, or something if she is sleeping.  If she wakes up, they do fine while I'm gone, but neither feel real comfortable.  As she gets older this happens more often, and it is easier on them.  I think the first time, they were alone together Sugar was 2 1/2.  


The Hubby and Sugar have a relationship that is unique to them.  It is much like a Big Brother/Little Sister relationship.  They play together sometimes, bicker at times, and while they love each other, they also annoy each other.  The Hubby likes to share the things that interest him with Sugar.  They tend to Tiny, the pony, together, he shows her all sorts of wildlife, and the things he builds.  She finds him fascinating, and has learned a lot about the world from him.  Again, as she ages, it becomes easier for them to find things to do together, as she shows more interest in what he is doing.  We do family things together, as you can see if you peruse my blog a bit.  We go to the beach, for drives in the woods, and so on.  I am rarely alone, as Gayle wondered.  In fact, I yearn for alone time.  So many years of The Hubby being away fishing set me up for cherishing my alone time, now that it isn't as easy to come by.  


I'm well aware of how strange it all sounds, but while it isn't the traditional family, it is working for us.  I am grateful to have Sugar Bear in my life, and there honestly hasn't been a single day since her birth that I wished for help in her care from The Hubby.  I firmly believe that if your accept things as they are, it is easier to manage it all.  I never wish it was "his turn" to put Sugar to bed.  I wouldn't miss it for the world.  I don't spend time wishing things were different, because they simply are what they are, and I'm okay with that.  I consider myself VERY lucky.  Sugar Bear is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.  


The photos in this post were taken back in July when The Hubby, Sugar Bear and I went camping.  The Hubby was helping our dog, Daisy, practice diving, and wanted Sugar to see better.  The water in the creek was not only over Sugar's head, it was extremely cold.  The best way for Sugar to see the action was on his shoulder's.  I was so glad to have my zoom lens on my camera, as I was able to snap these shots.  I added texture to them, as they weren't the best quality.  I'm pleased with the results, and know that Sugar will cherish these photos when she is older.  

19 Live It or Love It:

MommaV said...

What a lovely post!!! Your story is truly something I will never forget, my sweet friend. You have such a warm heart!

And I don't think I've ever seen som many face forward shots of your hubby, but MY GOODNESS SB does look like him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is a nice looking guy. You guys definetly need a family picture together. SB will cherish that one day.

Aspiemom said...

It was fun to read your answers to the questions you received.

Great pictures!

Femin Susan said...

I love your blog and reading about a life so interesting and different....
Keep up the great posts. Love, light and blessings to you and your family :)

Anonymous said...

Making it work is definitely what it's all about. Every family has their own rhythms and styles. It's great that y'all have found what works for your family.

Sugar is definitely going to treasure those photos!

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Oh my gosh - she DOES look so much like him. I don't think I've ever seen it so clearly as I did in this post.

I am proud of you for sharing with such honesty, Corey. I know this must not have been easy to be so open about. I'm really, really inspired.

For some reason, this line "I firmly believe that if your accept things as they are, it is easier to manage it all," really struck me tonight. It's a truth I believe and have often shared with others, but it really jumped up and bit me tonight.

I sure love you, friend. Someday, some dreamy day faraway, I so hope our families can hang out together. I know we would all get on just famously!

Bryce's momma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janet said...

What an amazing post and what a fabulous relationship you have! Obviously your love for each other is so strong as I am sure there are many that would not have withstood a new baby, with one of the partners not being happy! I am sure that as SB grows older, she will develop a special relationship with Dad that will continue to grow! I just LOVE the photographs of him and SB. They're special. Any you have a wonderful way of sharing - thank you for sharing your story and may your love for each other (all THREE of you) continue to grow and grow!

Anonymous said...

Fascinating post Corey, not least because I have only ever seen pics of your DH with bushes in the way as you hide out like a wildlife photographer trying to get a pic!! :D

If it works for you, don't ever let anyone knock it. Love you!

Mary Ellen ~ Carolina Momma said...

Wonderful post Corey! Thank you for sharing. Despite it all, you've crafted a wonderful and blessed life. Love the last picture with Sugar and Daddy!

Laura said...

Great post, Corey! Your story is truly inspiring. And those pics of your two loves are absolutely precious!

Much love!

Autumn said...

I love this post. The first part brought back so many memories. I for one remember that break up.... probably better than most because I heard the misery from both sides! lol I also remember some strange rides home during that time with both of you in that truck.. oy vey. LOL! You two were meant to be together. I admire that your husband doesn't kid himself and everyone else trying to pretend he is something he is not and I admire you for accepting him just the way he is.. even if it is hard sometimes.
If things work for the three of you then that is all that matters! I sometimes wish that I had the autonomy to make all decisions as my husband can frustrate the heck out of me. Having a boy though is a bit different in that I do enjoy him taking over in certain "boy" areas! :) Every child's relationship with their parents is unique and just like Sugar has a unique and wonderful relationship with you... she has a unique relationship with her dad. I love those pictures, they are ones I'm sure Sugar will cherish. Oh and if you need someone to hide in the bushes and take a family picture some day... I'm your girl! ;)

Bryce's momma said...

Corey! These pics and your outlook on life are both beautiful. I don't think that any of us necessarily got the "life that we signed up for". I do enjoy those unexpected blessings though. Sugar is definitely her daddy! These look like something in a catalog with your lab and all. Maybe vintage L.L. Bean. Beautiful!

Bryce's momma said...

I sent you the email that you requested. I sent it to the one on your blog profile. Is that what you wanted me to do? No, I did not make the cupcakes. I wish that I had the patience and the talent for that. I found what I wanted by looking around on line and had a local bakery do it. I do NOT design my own blog either. I am not a computer savy person either. I used the free backgrounds on "the cutest blog on the block".

Gayle said...

Actually, it doesn't sound strange at all. I had a similiar relationship with my first husband, but in the end it didn't work for me. I wanted to share my (3)children and he wasn't all that interested. As they got older it got harder to explain why their dad was never at their sporting events or went to the park, etc. with us. It reached a point where I knew it was unfair to everyone to continue the relationship. I am now happily married to a man who enjoys the kids probably more than I do! :) Just kidding. It really doesn't matter how unconventional things are for you...what matters is that you are happy. And you are happy. :)

Zerilda The Superfluous Blogger said...

he was teaching the dog to dive? will she make the olympics this year? it's about time we had a dog in the olympics!

Becky said...

Absolutely beautiful photographs!I am really intrigued by your family dynamics. It's great it is working for you! I agree that it is easier to manage being together when you accept things as they are instead of constantly trying to change each other.

Fresh Mommy said...

Those shots of SB and hubby are great!!! As she gets older, they'll spend more time together and then you'll get your alone time!!


Meg said...

I love this post, and those pictures look awesome with the textures.

Meghan said...

Sorry... that last post was me.

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