Pretty Please, Mama!

"Oh Mama....I don't wanna go! Pease, Mama! Pease stay!" I hear things like this more and more frequently these days. As some may recall, I have a very polite little pumpkin on my hands. I love it, but recently it has started to make things difficult. So very difficult to resist her precious politeness. How excruciatingly hard it is to NOT give in to her when she asks so very nicely! Give me a tantrum any day, but a sweet little honey saying, "pease mama!" oh man....my knees go weak. Help me!

As a parent, I find myself pulling out my bag of tricks often. The trick and tips I learned while obtaining my degree in Human Development and Family Science with an emphasis on Early Childhood Education. Though my studies I found a philosophy that wasn't necessarily how I was raised, but it still spoke to me. I learned techniques for getting a class of pre-school aged children to participate in the classroom activities successfully with few behavior issues. I was given the opportunity to see the power of giving a child respect while fully expecting them to respect others as well. I observed how children thrive on structure, predictability, and consistency. I was able to hone my skills in truly communicating with these young human beings.

As a parent, some 10 years later, it isn't surprising that I have found myself falling back on these techniques and skills. I believe in gentle discipline. I believe in teaching my child to love and respect herself, and those around her. I believe in building her self-esteem, and doing my best to set her up for success. I believe in giving her a predictable schedule, and doing my best to be consistent. I understand that she needs guidance in learning how to deal with her emotions, and I strive to help her learn how to appropriately express those feelings. Raising a child isn't easy, but I am dedicated to fulfilling my promise I made when I delivered her into this world. I will not abandon my post. I will be vigilant no matter the challenges.

Our most recent challenge is one that I assume several parents face. However, it is one that I never saw coming, and it takes "supermom" strength to withstand. It is the battle between the mom and the super sugary sweet politeness monster. Seriously, this monster is a toughie. The toughest so far. I am forced to pull out my big guns....my strongest muscles....I must put my heavy foot down. I can not give in to the super powers of a toddler asking NICELY! eeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk........you read it right! ASKING NICELY!!!!!! OH dear lord give me strength to resist.

It often goes like this:

Mama: "Honey, we have to go now!"
Sugar Bear: "Okay mama!"

but sometimes it goes like this:

Mama: "Honey, we have to go now!"
Sugar Bear: "I don't wanna go Mama!"
Mama: "I know you don't baby, but we need to get home!"
Sugar Bear: "Pease, Mama! Pease stay here!" (in a darling voice with hands clasped)
Mama: "Oh honey! I know you are asking nicely, but we still have to go!"
Sugar Bear: "oh pease, Mama!" (even sweeter, and blinking eyes at me)
Mama: )Deep breath....) "I am sorry sweetie. Thank you for asking nicely, but we really have to go!" (with anxiety in my voice)
Sugar Bear: (Shrugs her shoulders forward, gives a little pout, and trudges for the door.)
Mama: (Cries a little on the inside.)

Where do they learn this stuff? How does she know just how to pull those heartstrings? Seriously, it takes everything I have not to give in to those sweet little pleadings. It is the super annoying whining type. It is my tiny little love asking me so nicely to just stay. It literally hurts my heart that I have to stand firm. I do my best to acknowledge her feelings, yet explain my need to not change my mind, but gosh darn it....it still breaks her little heart. I hate that. Give me a tantrum...give me an outburst that makes me roll my eyes and grit my teeth. I can stand firm on those. Those do NOT stir my heart, nor make me at all want to change my mind. Those offer up a battle of the wills that I am prepared for. It is the little angel that makes me shake in my boots. Where do they learn this stuff, and where can I get the superpower to resist it. HELP ME!

It fascinates me that my biggest struggle these days is trying to teach my daughter that even though we want something...and ask so very nicely, it doesn't mean we will always get it. I had prepared myself for teaching her the lesson that throwing a fit will not get you what you want in life, but teaching her that being nice doesn't work either???? That right there blindsided me. Man, this parenting stuff is hard!

Four For Friday!

In keeping with my theme from yesterday, I'd like to focus this week's "Four For Friday" on photography. This picture is one that I have been after for quite some time. I have been searching for a situation that would lend itself to a perfect silhouette. It isn't easy to find in state that is so full of beautiful mountains. Everywhere I turn, the backdrop is mountainous. I love it, but it frustrated me trying to find just the right sky backdrop. This particular location I just happened upon. I was standing down a trail, while Sugar Bear waited at the top when I looked up and gasped. THERE IT WAS! I began snapping in glee.
When I downloaded this picture onto my computer I was so giddy with excitement. I set to work finding the perfect crop for it. This is where I ran into a problem. I couldn't decide what crop lent the most to this photo. I posted it on my photo board and boy was there a WIDE variety of opinions. It ranged from LESS black at the bottom, to needing MORE black at the bottom. Some liked it horizontal, and some liked it vertical. I smile at the different perspectives. IT got me wondering, what you all might think. Here are four different crops of the same picture. I'd love for you to leave me a comment and give me your thoughts on which one you like best and why. I can't wait to hear your thoughts.

1. The picture as I took it:


2. The picture less centered:


3. The picture with MORE black ground at the bottom:


4. The picture with LESS ground, so it is horizontal:

What Makes A "Good" Picture Anyhow?

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. In fact, it goes way beyond thinking. I have been absorbed by this for some time now. I am not sure when it all started, but it has become quite a distraction. Everywhere I go, and everything I see, I find myself evaluating it. In some ways it has heightened my awareness of the beauty we live in. However, it has taken a little piece of my "ignorance is bliss" lifestyle, and squashed it like a bug.

Sometime in March, I joined an Online Photography Board that specializes in Child Portrait Photography. I have learned so much from this amazing group of photographers. I feel that the most important thing I have garnered is INSPIRATION! I love having the opportunity to view some pretty amazing pictures. It gives me a sense of challenge and purpose. I strive to capture a photograph that might inspire someone else. I always appreciate a good challenge.

One of the things I noticed in the vast group of both professional and novice photographers, is the wide range of creativity, and the amazing span of opinions. It is sort of a thrill to post a picture asking for Constructive Criticism. You better have your hard hat on, because you are likely to hear some things that might sting a bit. There certainly are members that are real sticklers for the "Rules of Photography", and having a technically perfect photograph. You can learn a great deal from reading their points of view. Through this process, I have been intrigued by the true sense of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" philosophy. One person can gaze upon a picture and see something that really appeals to them. Another will only see the flaws.

One day a few months ago, I saw the words, "oh...now that looks like it should be in a magazine!" It got me thinking...what kind of pictures are in a magazine? So being just who I am....I started looking. Now I find myself hardly reading a magazine at all. Instead I am studying the photographs in the advertisements, and in the articles. Guess what? There is a real variety of types of photographs published in magazines. The most shocking realization was that MOST photos I have seen have at least one technical error. WOW...this got me really thinking again...why would magazines publish technically imperfect photographs? I mean, I am sure they can hire photographers with the abilities to capture a "perfect picture", right? Why then am I seeing photos with blown spots, and focus issues, and non-even lighting? Why am I seeing dappled light that leaves supposedly "unattractive" shadows on people's faces? WHY? Why? Why?

Is it because it is possible that a photo can still "speak" to someone even if the lightening wasn't even? Is it possible that a message can still be conveyed with the perfect expression on the subjects face even though they aren't looking directly at the lens? Is it at all possible that small blown out area of a white shirt doesn't ALWAYS distract from the rest of the picture? These are things that I have felt in my heart, but after spending just a few too many hours reading "constructive criticism" of photos that I admire, I began to waver. I began to think that if there had been an error it was meant for the trash can. I am certainly glad that I started paying attention to the real world. I am glad that I can accept that sometimes there will be flaws, but it doesn't mean it isn't worthy of viewing.

As I go about my day lately, I look at the world differently. I find myself trying to see it from different angles. I suddenly kneel down to see just what that fence looks like from that view. I lay on the grass and look up at things. I notice the light, and how it changes the look of the world around me. There is so much to see and learn. It is fun. However, on the flip side, I wish I could just sit down and flip through a magazine and not think, "why did they use that photograph? Couldn't the manage one where both children are in focus?" I might be getting a little cocky also, as I often find myself thinking, "I could have taken a better photograph than that!" tee hee.....I find it is a fun learning tool though. I like to imagine what I would have done differently to make the photo better.

I think it is worthy to note that although this post suggests that I might be trying to make excuses for photography errors. I am not. I am simply saying that I have discovered, that technically perfect doesn't have to be the ultimate goal. I need to stay focused on that. It is finding the creativity in photography, while striving to improve your technique. We just can't lose sight of what moves us.

The photo I have posted in my side bar this week is a perfect example of what I am talking about. One side of her face is darker than the other. Her outfit is crazy, and the chest of her jammies is blown out. It would be sweeter if the bright orange bubble container weren't there, but I LOVE this picture. It speaks to me. Yes, I know how it could have been "better", but that doesn't take away the moment and memory. It isn't perfect, but for me....it is close!

Wh...wh....wh.....wh...WHY Does It Bother Me So?

Wha..Wha...Wha...Wha...Wha...What is wrong? Wh...Wh...Wh....Why is it bothering me so very much? Why was I so upset? Why was I so self-conscience about it? Why can't I get over it, even though everything is back to normal? Wh...wh...wh...why can't I just let it go?

Two weeks ago, Sugar Bear woke up as her typical fun loving self. She met my smile with her usual string of words. "Hi mama! You tired? Let's lay on couch. I have some na na's!" However by the end of the day, she had experienced a few strange moments of stuttering. It all started with her stumbling over a word she had said many times before with no trouble. As she struggled to get that word out, she looked at me with a sheepish grin, as if to say, "gee....this is silly!" I blew this all off thinking that she was just tired.

The next day, I found that she stuttered quite a bit more. Usually it was just the first word, while the rest of the sentence was normal. Sometimes it was the whole word, and other times it was the first part of the word. Some examples include:
-"Where, where, where, where, where we going mama!"
-"lo...lo...lo...lo...lo...look at my leg"
I have heard, and read that experiencing some stuttering can be developmental, but I also read that early intervention, if it is indeed a problem, is best. So I paid close attention, and unfortunately watched it get worse. By the time the Fourth of July was here, nearly a week and a half later, she was stuttering on nearly 1 out of 4 sentences. Often she would look at me with an expression that said, "what is wrong with me?" It was at this point I really began to feel a sense of panic.

I can not describe how it made me feel to see my daughter struggling on words that she previously had said perfectly. We all know I can worry with the best of them, so I won't surprise you to know that I entertained thoughts of Autism, Brain injury, Stroke, and so on. Sitting there listening to her say a word 6 times before carrying on with the rest of the sentence made me feel so desperate. It really seemed as though she was experiencing a short circuit in her brain. Scary stuff. How can a child that has always been advanced in language just suddenly start this repetitive stammering?

The worst part of the whole ordeal was having to take her to a big family get together where we were visiting with people we hadn't seen for over a year. I found myself so defensive. What were people thinking about her? Some would make a comment, or mimic her. Some would just look concerned. I often found myself whispering, "She just started S-T-U-T-T-E-R-I-N-G last week." I spelled it out in an attempt to not let Sugar Bear know what I was talking about. I constantly felt like I had to point out that she had normal speech patterns just 2 weeks ago. I received all sorts of opinions on the situation. Some were simply not helpful. Most told me...I am sure she is just excited and her mouth can't move as fast as her brain is going. Sure, this is also what I wanted to believe, but why was it that she did it no matter what she was talking about...or who she was talking to? It drove me batty.

Sugar Bear is no longer stuttering. Yup...it ended just as suddenly as it came on. Actually it ended much quicker. She went from a day of stuttering on nearly every sentence, to only stuttering 3 times the whole following day. Today, none at all. It is so odd. Literally 2 weeks from start to finish. How strange is that? Unfortunately, I sit here...still worrying....still wondering. I have no idea what brought it on...and why it was so severe. The most bothersome part of it, all though, is the fact that it freaked me out so very much. I have always been a huge supporter of Early Intervention, and I feel like I am a very open and accepting person regarding special needs and developmental delays. Why, then was I so horribly FREAKED that something might not be perfect? Why did I find the need to explain how NORMAL Sugar Bear really is to anyone and everyone that heard her stutter? Was I really so worried what people thought of her? WOW....what an eye opener for me. It really is so much easier to talk the talk, than walk the walk.

It makes me feel like such a heel to have experienced so much fear over a simple thing such as this. So many wonderful families struggle with all sort of challenges that are much more severe. So many beautiful children have battled much larger ills and so many more will. This small moment in mine and Sugar's life really gave me a minuscule taste of the worry, the pain, the fear that revolves around families who have a loved one who is ill, delayed, or disabled. My hat is off to those strong individuals.