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Monday, June 25, 2007

Spirit, Caution, and Love

My joy....may she never lose her spirit. I have hopes, and I have dreams for her. May she test the waters before jumping in. I have wants, and I have wishes for her. May she always be aware of my unwavering love, and may it always be reciprocated. As she grows into the individual she is meant to be, may there always be a bit of my hopes, dreams, wants and wishes in there.

As a part of another Group Writing Project, I am sitting here in the dark focusing on these things. Focusing on my girl who lies sleeping just beyond this wall. Each day, I find myself seeing more and more WHO she is.....WHO she is becoming. She is:
people shy
She is just so very......Sugar Bear! I try very hard not to have too many expectations of WHO she might become. I want to leave that up to her, but as a parent it is difficult not to imagine who she will be at 4.....8.....12.....20.....35 (may I live to see this...please!) Some days I find myself surprised at how she reacts to things. I wonder...."where did that come from?" or "who taught her that?" I struggle to remind myself that she will react certain ways just because that is who she is, and THAT is okay.

Sometimes there is fear that she will become someone I don't know...someone I don't like. OH MY....did I just say that? It is the truth....I worry that someday I just won't "GET" who she is, and wish she was something different. WOW....that is so hard to admit. I am not certain that I am the only mom who closes her eyes and "sees" their child in the future, and imagines them being a certain way. What if she doesn't turn out to be anything like I imagine. That is a very REAL possibility. What if.....sigh.

Is it at all plausible that she will be much like she is now? When she is 15, will I describe her as:
people shy

On one hand it is exciting to see her become who she is meant to be, but on the other hand, it freaks me out! Sure this isn't something to get all worked up about. No need to put my head between my knees, and breathe into a paper bag. It is enough, however, to get me thinking....get me wondering. If I had to pick three things about my daughter NOW that I hope never changes, what would they be? Here they are:

I want Sugar Bear to NEVER lose her spirit. This girl has When she sees something that she wants, she goes after it, and is usually willing to try something new. I certainly hope that she always strives to learn, grow, and achieve. I'd love for her to be a "take charge" kind of gal, and love life as much as she does now. May no one ever squash her spirit.

I want Sugar Bear to NEVER lose her sense of caution. I know this may not seem to mesh with my first want...but it does. She has this great way, of stepping back, and looking....listening...learning before she jumps in. However when she jumps in...she really goes for it. It is the time she takes to make sure it is safe that I value. I hope she always possess this sense of needing to be sure.

I want Sugar Bear to NEVER lose her love. The love I give her,and the love she gives back. At this moment in time...we are as close as they come. Our bond is is tight. May it bend, but never break. May she never NEED to push me away. It is my hope that as she grows, I can give her enough space so that she doesn't need to make her own. May there always be our closeness....a bushel and a peck....and a hug around the neck.

I know that no matter how much I wish, hope, and dream...these three things may never come to be. Am I prepared for that? Not yet. I am still living the fantasy. My Daughter....My Joy!

11 Live It or Love It:

Laura said...

Great writing, Corey! And what a great idea to write out Makenna's personality traits now (as well as your wishes and dreams for her) to look back on in the future. I should take a page from your book and do the same sometime for Maya.

And as always, I'll just say - what a fabulous Mama you are! *hugs*

Anonymous said...

What a great subject! You've got me thinking about qualities I don't want my little boy to give up.

I'll go with curiosity, determination and (not to copy you) love. (He's just started giving his dad and me kisses this week!)

Maude Lynn said...

Oh, I love this! It's both wonderful and terrifying to envision your child in the future. It's make you want to hold to now as hard as you can. I really enjoyed reading this.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Laura, great writing. I enjoy the read, I enjoy hearing what's really on your heart. I can give you a glimpse of the future as seen through my eyes and of my daughters: they are still true to their original character and will powers of their little 2 year old hearts. It's amazing! They are so different now yet so the same at heart! You should have no worries. I'm speaking from the future!

Robin said...

What a wonderful look at what the future might hold, and the excellent writing made it a real pleasure to read.

Anonymous said...

I love your essay. It really resonates with me as a Mom of 2 girls. I think a lot about what my girls will be like when they're older. I love how you listed her personality traits.
: )Smiles!

Daisy said...

Thinking of our children in the future can be both exciting and scary. Your little one sounds like a joy. Here's hoping that delightful personality will continue to develop the way she has thus far.

Lori said...

It CAN be scary and exciting at the same time. Having one in every age group makes me realize this much more. As they grow, they change, but they still stay the same. And they always have your foundation.

Lisa M. said...

This was a beautiful post. I hope you keep it for her to read.

You know, I had/have those very same feelings for my daughter. She has always just been exquisite. At sixteen now, I am amazed with her. In that.. star studded way, amazed at her.

She walks tall. She knows she is a daughter of God. She has values, I never would have considered at her age. Great work ethic, I couldn't have picked better friends for her. Humble at times, and a little unsure of herself a tiny amount (enough to be cautious).. But she knows who she is, and wouldn't compromise that, for anything.

I have LOVED watching her grow, and I am already in mourning that she is getting ready, to leave the nest.

I wish you the best with your daughter- It sounds like she is fantastic too-

May she flourish.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Corey what a fantastic post.

I remember before M could speak, E said, "I wonder what her voice will be like mummy."

It's amazing to look forward and imagine what they will be like.

Part of me can't wait, and another part just wants them to stay here and now, small and safe and mine.

Anonymous said...

Corey, what a beautiful post. My daughter is 3 soon to turn four, and I watch her with amazement. But there is something inside of me that wants to freeze time because you wonder where all these things may lead. All the beautiful qualities that make for what will be a beautiful, strong girl also make for a young woman who will one day grow up and leave home.

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