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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Thoughts on parental guilt

I have been meaning to blog about a website that I have been enjoying for quite sometime now. It was introduced to me by my dear friend, Megan, of Sorta Crunchy. is something of which I can really relate to. I have a connection to the philosophy. In fact, I was quite surprised the first time I ventured over there to find a person that can articulate so well what is in my head. It was like Scott Noelle, the author of the website, had been in my head for awhile, then expanded upon it, and made it even better.

I signed up for "The Daily Groove" emails, and quickly became a fan. I enjoy the little snippets I get each day, and value so much how it makes me think....and be. It isn't for everyone, I'm sure, but it is a perfect fit for me.
After re-posting one of my parenting posts last night, I wasn't surprised at all to open my email this morning to find this little gem:

Are you plagued by guilt whenever you fall short of your parenting ideals? Such guilt may seem a natural response, but it's not... It's *cultural*.

Our culture conditions people to believe that their worth depends on their behavior, so that when your behavior is "wrong" you doubt your self-worth, i.e., you feel guilty.

But if you knew absolutely that you *are* worthy of love and respect -- *unconditionally* -- you'd never feel guilty. You'd simply feel "off" whenever your behavior was out of alignment with your values.

That "off" feeling would be a welcome sign that you need to adjust your course. And with your self-worth beyond dispute, you'd be confident in your ability to get back on track.

So next time you feel parental guilt, say to yourself,"This has nothing to do with my inherent worth --that's a given. I made a mistake, but I can learn from it. I got a little lost, but I'm finding my way." ~Scott Noelle of The Daily Groove

You see....while I tend to have very high expectations of my parenting, I also have a very interesting way of looking at life. I am very good at excepting things as they are, while making sure I am striving to be who I want to be. When I make mistakes, I honestly feel very little guilt because I know it doesn't make me a bad mother. Through admitting my mistakes, and moving forward, I grow as a person. There is a big difference between throwing the mistakes to the wind and continuing to make them, AND taking those mistakes, figuring out why you made them, and learning from them. Regardless, GUILT helps neither situation, and only serves to tear you down.
Let go of the guilt. Move forward. Be the parent YOU want to be!

6 Live It or Love It:

Melissa ♥ Spoiled Mommy said...

ok-now my computer has been giving me commenting issues. i read yesterdays post-i LOVED it! You are amazing and I love your outlook.
im headin over to check out this site right now!!
thanks girl!

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

I LOVE that you posted on this today because I TOTALLY thought of you when I read this email. Crazy but true. Thanks for sharing.

Autumn said...

Would you get out of my head already???
Seriously, this morning I felt so guilty about handling something in a way that I wish I wouldn't have. Reading this makes me remember to just get back on track and free myself from the mistake. Now I'm off to check out the site!

Berta said...

I would add one more thing to your last paragraph . . . be the parent your child DESERVES! Seriously, since motherhood/parenthood comes with NO manual or class 101, we ARE going to make mistakes - how boring would the world be if everyone was perfect all the time! Just relax, enjoy the magnificent experience of being a parent in all its aspects. It's always refreshing to hear a mother trying to be the BEST she can be! ROCK ON!

Christina said...

Thanks for the great reminder! I'm off to check out that site now. Sounds fab!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh I need to go and see that site. Fab. And I love Sugar's sweet sad face in the last post. :D

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