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Sunday, August 30, 2009

And sometimes I'm overwhelmed.....

Last Tuesday, I posted the latest in my series on child sex abuse. It wasn't until, early Saturday morning, that a comment showed up that stopped my heart.

Royston said...

We need to stamp out sexy kids. That'll solve the problem.

When taking on this subject, I very well knew that the titles, and words I chose for this series would likely bring unwanted searches to my blog, and I stood firm that I could handle that chance, if any of the information helped even one family. Knowing....and seeing is two different things. This comment landed like a solid righthook, and hasn't left my mind since.

With all the publicity of the Jaycee Dugard story this week, my mind has been firmly engaged in the horrors people are capable of. I am deeply saddened by the state of our society, and the sheer inability of our system to protect us.

At first, I wanted to delete this Royston's comment, but hesitated. While the name is there, a link is not. I am not certain the path this person took to my blog, but on the off chance he/she is a reader of one of YOU, I wanted to be sure that the comment doesn't go unnoticed. If the comment had been a joke, even a very poorly executed one, I wouldn't have expected it to be without a track back. I do believe the person who left it is a twisted individual, and is attracted to children. I hope and pray there isn't children in this person's path.

My heart is feeling so very overwhelmed. The other day, while in Walmart, there was a Code Adam (a missing child), and I went into full one panic mode. My heart raced, my throat tightened, and I very nearly left my groceries in the aisle and ran to help look. I stood there, mind racing, and praying to hear the cancel over the intercom. When I finally came, I was full of tears. Watching other shoppers calmly going about their shopping has me screaming on the inside, "don't you know a child is missing? a parent is frantic? something could be VERY wrong???"

This event did not leave my mind for days. I wondered where the child had been, and how many times a day stores have codes like that. My heart goes out to Jaycee's family who have suffered for 18 years the loss of their daughter. One minute there....another not. It is my prayer that Jaycee, her children, and her family have a chance to heal. It will be a heart wrenching journey, I'm sure.

As for Royston.....may you stay away from my blog....and if YOU, my readers, know this person. BEWARE!

11 Live It or Love It:

Janet said...

I agree with you! I often think of the Madeleine McCann family too - not knowing - I cannot bear to think about it.

Kat @ For the Love of Chaos said...

As a benefit of the doubt measure, perhaps what the person meant (but should have elaborated) was that many people allow their VERY young children to wear make-up, provocative or tight-fitting clothing, creating a mature, suggestive look on children that are much too young to be learning that type of physical concentration - a habit that will follow them into adolescence to determine the influences they have and the choices they make.

I don't know. It could very well be a twisted individual, but likewise could possibly be someone who was saying that we, as parents, need to not allow our children to be "made up" in attire and/or make up that is not age-appropriate because it caters to the sick minds of those who prey on the innocent. It is *possible* that this is what the commenter meant by "stamping out sexy children..." - in other words, stop allowing our young children to create the illusion of womanhood by their apparel and their mannerisms.

I myself have had to explain to my children (who are all ages 9 and UNDER) that they cannot do some of the dances they have seen their friends do because they are 'suggestive' in nature. I have forbidden them to move their bodies in certain ways, wear certain clothing, and of course none of them are yet allowed to wear any type of make up because you never know who is looking at them or what *those people* may be thinking. I shudder to think what I would do if someone were to take advantage of one of my daughters. God help me. And them.

Bryce's momma said...

Oh My Corey! I am SPEECHLESS! I bet my husband would LOVE to get his hands on that PERV!

Donetta said...

yes those families do have a hard horribly difficult painful utterly financially devastatingly ship wreck of flotsam to clear up.

i know

my mom dressed me like that...used me as an extension of herself. i was her beauty and the pervs took full advantage as she so blissfully enjoyed the attention of having a beautiful daughter. naive of what was happening to me. children are put into positions that they have threats of their parents incomes or housing being at issue.

i fear that she will want to die. it is a very hard fight to live.

Autumn said...

Sorry I don't buy that the person was trying to send a message about dressing kids inappropriately. The thought that saying to these kids that this was brought about by what your parents dressed you in or what you yourself chose to wear makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe I'm too close to the subject at hand, that my view is skewed.
The comment was "What we really need to do is stamp out sexy kids. THAT WILL SOLVE THE PROBLEM." What?? That would solve nothing!! Would it make your child less of a target? Maybe to one of the perverts but definitely not all of them. Are you going to tell me that when I wore blue jeans, tennis shoes and an appropriate sized t-shirt and acting like any normal 8 year old that I was being or acting in a way that made my molester do what he did to me?
Are we really going to say to Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard and so many countless other little girls that what you wore made you the target?
Sorry but I wholeheartedly believe that this person is either
A.) a pervert
B.) has a bad sense of humor
C.) doesn't have a clue
Or a combination of the above.
I'm not disagreeing that there are many inappropriate clothes out there and that we shouldn't dress our children appropriately. I'm just saying that will not stop child sex abuse.

Tanya said...

oh my word I jsut choked on my coffee at that comment!!! I am disgusted!

Jeanette said...

what an idiotic commenter! That makes me so angry!

Christina said...

ugh. disgusting.

We had a Code Adam the other day at Michaels, where I work. I was heartsick and frantic, and them terribly upset when the child was found and the mother did nothing but yell at the kid, very roughly, for not staying by her.

Maude Lynn said...

Autumn said everything that I could possibly say, better than I could possibly say it.

Anonymous said...

People are unbelievable. I don't understand, but am also glad I don't understand. Some things should NEVER make sense. Keep up the good work, Corey.

Kat @ For the Love of Chaos said...

@Autumn, I definitely wasn't trying to insinuate that the comment was appropriate the way it was presented. I was just presenting another perspective and something else that is relevant and should be considered. I agree with you - there is NOTHING that justifies *seeing* a child that way, let alone pursuing a child in that manner; my only point was that there are definitely things that contribute to making it easier for a person who has those tendencies to see a child in that light.

It's disgusting to even think about it, but the more cautious we are, the better when it comes to our children. You are exactly right. I never suggested TELLING a child who has been a victim of such a thing that it was IN ANY WAY their fault. I was only saying that being aware of how your child's appearance can make them more of a target for sexual predators - and preventing that from being an issue - can make them a bit safer. Will it terminate the possibility of this danger? No. It's just something else that we, as parents, need to consider.

I am very sorry for whatever it was that you went through, sweetie. There was a case in my hometown where a mom's boyfriend actually raped an infant - I believe she was 18 months old - while the mom was at work. Some people are so freakin sick that it wouldn't matter what you do, they will still see children in a sexual way. I would never allude to there being any particular *reason* a child was targeted because there IS no reason for a child to be a target for sexual abuse. But some people are just that twisted, and all I was saying was that if children are taught to exhibit woman-like characteristics (in behavior and/or dress) it only makes this more of a possibility. That is NOT to say that a child that dresses appropriately is going to be any LESS of a target.

I'm sorry for the confusion.

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